Some cultures value elderly people more, while other cultures value the youth more. discuss both views and give your opinion.
The
culture
and tradition play a crucial role in society. The elder generation adhere
Change the verb form
adheres
some
old-fashioned indigenous Change preposition
to some
culture
while
the younger population follow the modern culture
. In this
essay, I will discuss both viewpoints and why I support the youngster's modern culture
.
On the one hand, in this
modern era, youngsters prefer to follow the modern lifestyle
with technology. They can easily download any informations
from the internet within a fraction of a second and they can communicate with others through social media Correct your spelling
information
instead
of face-to-face interaction. For example
, adults prefer to use advanced technological devices so that
to get a modern Correct word choice
apply
lifestyle
as compared to the
past lives. Ergo, I strongly agree that the younger population Change the word
their
like
to give more importance Replace the word
likes
in
the modern Change preposition
to
lifestyle
.
On the other hand
, the
older people adhere Correct article usage
apply
the
traditional-based Change preposition
to the
on
Change preposition
apply
culture
and they do not prefer to alter their values
. They still like to do handwork and they prefer to communicate with people directly instead
of virtually because they used to live without technological periods. For instance
, because numerous elders do not have a smartphone, they do not know how to use it. Because the older generation do
not adapt Change the verb form
does
the
modern era, they like to follow the old-fashioned Change preposition
to the
values
and elderly folks give more importance the
old-fashioned Change preposition
to the
values
.
To conclude
, this
essay I argued that while
youngsters are preferred
to live Wrong verb form
prefer
in
a modern Change preposition
apply
lifestyle
, the
senior citizens adhere the traditional Correct article usage
apply
values
. However
, personally, I prefer to
the younger generations have more Change preposition
that
values
and they follow the modern lifestyle
.Submitted by reanudeepan on
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coherence cohesion
The essay should have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion which are all well-connected. You provided an introduction and conclusion, but the main ideas within the body paragraphs were not well-developed and lacked cohesion between them. Improve the logical flow of ideas and ensure that each paragraph has a single, clear focus that is expanded upon.
task achievement
While the essay does attempt to address the task by discussing both views, there is a lack of clear, comprehensive explanations. The response could be improved significantly by providing in-depth reasoning and analysis, and by using a wider range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures. Relevant specific examples were lacking, making the arguments less convincing.