IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#shops #country #information #features #comparisons
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The line graph provides data
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the number of shop closures and openings between 2011 and 2018 in one country. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it can be seen that the numbers fluctuated during
this
Linking Words
 period.
However
Linking Words
, it is obvious that opened shops were more than closed ones in the first year
while
Linking Words
 in 2018, the number of openings experienced a dramatic fall.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
according to
Linking Words
closures
Add an article
the closures
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 line graph, over 6000 closed shops experienced a trough
following
Wrong verb form
followed
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 by a rise in the first two years and
then
Linking Words
, there was a light decrease in 2014.
However
Linking Words
, The most noticeable change happened in 2015
that
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 the numbers reached a low significantly. After that, there was a considerable rise from under1000,in 2015, to over 5000 in the next year.
Finally
Linking Words
, it continued almost steadily till 2018. Moving to the other graph, it can be distinguished that about 8500 shops were opened in the first year, which is the highest trend,
whereas
Linking Words
 it declined to about 4000 in 2012. There was an upward trend in the
next
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
following years, and again a drop occurred in 2015 which remained nearly unchanged until 2017.
However
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
in
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 the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 the numbers reached a low to the least ,3000
,.
Change the punctuation
,
.
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Submitted by s.hemmati.p on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 85%.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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