IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

#countries #governments #technology #government #money
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Presently, greater and greater authorities from principal nations are trying to update and expand modern technology to make a
conection
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connection
 with
general
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the general
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 public.
This
 fact is
due to
 the amount of data or news that governments want them to know. In
this
 author’s opinion, that money pays for its development is extremely valid. Information has never been more crucial, and it will continue to rise in importance daily.
For example
, in those countries, there is less unemployment the more information and understanding people possess. The primary cause of
this
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
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 is the abundance of useful information about a positive work environment and, occasionally, about modern, efficient education. Consider Vietnam as an example. The most well-known national news show, VTV1, consistently updates fresh data, including university exam databases, new teaching strategies, and new marking techniques.
Although
 some claim that spending a fortune on new technologies is pointless, the author disagrees. The more intelligent we are, the safer we are against threats like wildlife and natural calamities like tsunamis, volcanoes, and con artists. Because we can avoid it, deceiving someone these days is more challenging.
For example
, the VTV1 main news segment discusses disasters in the northern region of Vietnam, innovative approaches from some educational institutions, and the most recent developments in theft and counterfeiting schemes. Governments throughout the world attempt to identify those who utilize modern technologies to gain access to power and a multitude of statistics and data that can
last
 for minutes. Because contemporary intelligence has been beneficial, governments ought to contribute that money to its advancement.
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task achievement
While your essay generally responds to the task, try to provide a bit more explanation on why new technologies are essential for governments in dealing with the public. This will improve your task achievement score.
task achievement
Aim to make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive by expanding on how technology directly impacts public safety and employment. Providing more specific examples would also help.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a tighter logical structure. Try to ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. This could improve your coherence and cohesion score.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each main point is fully supported with detailed examples or explanations. This ensures that your argument is strong and convincing.
introduction
Your introduction sets the stage well for the rest of the essay, making it clear what you will be discussing.
main point support
You effectively use specific examples like VTV1 and Vietnam to support your points, which greatly aids in explaining your perspective.
conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points effectively, reinforcing your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital transformation
  • service delivery
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • tech-savvy
  • contemporary lifestyle
  • public satisfaction
  • data management
  • smart city technologies
  • predictive policing
  • data privacy
  • digital divide
  • inclusivity
  • governance
  • infrastructure
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