IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

New forms of money are becoming extremely popular nowadays. Is this a positive development or adding risk to the system? Should new money technology face greater regulation and scrutiny? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The form of
money
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 has always been changing since humans started to buy and sell their necessities. Even in
this
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 modernized world, these new styles are becoming prevalent among people. Undoubtedly, they add various positive values to the
economy
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,
however
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, they would bring detrimental
risks
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 to the monetary system if strict
regulations
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 are not imposed about
this
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 issue. In the subsequent paragraphs, I will discuss the importance
along with
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 the
risks
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 these new features might bring.
To begin
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 with, new forms of cash can provide the
economy
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 with a dynamic system.
Firstly
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, they enable businesses to have more flexibility in terms of payment options and be more profitable.
Also
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, they create more freedom in society as people can decide which way to pay .
For instance
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, Amazon's sales have increased since its website began accepting various cryptocurrencies as a way of payment.
Thus
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, with these
money
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 forms emerging, both the public and the
economy
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 would benefit as they drive to a more efficient and productive monetary system.
Nonetheless
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,
regulations
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 are inseparable parts of a healthy
economy
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. Imposing strict monetary policies is indispensable as they mitigate various security
risks
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. To illustrate, cryptocurrency transactions might not have been
such
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 a treasure trove for hackers if it was under controlled by restrictive legislation. By and large, these evolving forms of
money
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 can be dangerous if their
regulations
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 are not well-managed. In conclusion,
although
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 there are dangerous
risks
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 regarding new
money
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, their significant impacts on society's satisfaction
along with
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 positive advantages outweigh the drawbacks. It is worth mentioning that imposing restrictive laws and
regulations
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 on these new financial features are the factors that must not be forgotten.

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task achievement
You should aim to fully address all parts of the task prompt, offering a balanced view on the topic at hand. Your essay tends to present an opinion without fully exploring opposing viewpoints or providing a more nuanced discussion. Expand on both the positive and negative implications of new money technologies to improve task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from more effective paragraphing, cohesive devices, and variety in sentence structures. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your arguments follow logically from one to the next. The usage of cohesive devices should help establish these connections without being redundant.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cryptocurrencies
  • Digital payment platforms
  • Blockchain
  • Transaction costs
  • Financial services
  • Volatility
  • Consumer protection
  • Fraud
  • Financial stability
  • Regulation
  • Scrutiny
  • Innovation
  • Decentralized finance (DeFi)
  • Economic landscape
  • Cybersecurity
  • Money laundering
  • Central bank digital currency (CBDC)
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