IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, many animal species are becoming extinct. Some people believe that countries and individuals must solve this problem. Others believe that human beings are more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent times, it is usually believed that governments and individuals should pay attention to the diminishing of numerous species,
while
Linking Words
 others claim that humans must concentrate on their available issues. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss both views before giving my opinions. First and foremost, people should recognize the fact that
there
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 is understandable that we put human priority on the top. As there are many ongoing issues worldwide that need to be addressed.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 poverty and famine are increasing significantly,
these
Correct word choice
and these
show examples
 problems need funds to
tackle
Wrong verb form
be tackled
show examples
 adequately.
Moreover
Linking Words
, all of us are
demand
Change preposition
in demand
show examples
 for the development of society that directly
affecteds
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 livelihood. Some people would argue that
instead
Linking Words
 of paying attention to topics that are unrelated to them, they must put their advantages on top.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some reasons supporting the statement that wildlife issues need to be tackled by countries and each person. Without concentrating on reducing the detrimental problems of wildlife, humans may face dire consequences in the future. It is important to remember that animals play an important role in balancing the ecosystem.
In other words
Linking Words
, the vanishing of animal species can lead to adverse consequences
such
Linking Words
 as narrowing the liveable
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
, reducing the source of food,
global
Correct word choice
and global
show examples
 warming,…
For example
Linking Words
, if pigs disappear, humans may cope with the scarcity of food. On account of addressing these
detrients
Correct your spelling
detriments
nutrients
, governments and individuals must cooperate to produce conservation processes. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some people argue that
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
 attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 human necessities is more practical and common, I am quite in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of tackling the decline of
animal’s
Change noun form
animal
show examples
 life in order to prevent serious problems that could threaten human society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay follows a clear logical structure. The use of paragraphs to separate ideas is appropriate, but there needs to be a more distinct progression between them. Make use of cohesive devices like linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more effectively articulated to better bookend the main body of the essay. In the introduction, clearly paraphrase the question and outline the structure of the essay. In the conclusion, summarize the main points succinctly and provide a strong, definitive stance.
task achievement
You need to develop the supporting points with detailed and relevant examples. The use of generic examples, or lack thereof, limits the effectiveness of your arguments. Strive for more depth and specificity in illustrating your points to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task sufficiently but lacks depth in places. Clarify your ideas and ensure that both views are explored fully before giving your opinion. Your personal stance could be supported by stronger arguments to persuade the reader effectively.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: