IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
While
 a number of people believe the biggest environmental issue is the decreasing plants and animals numbers nowadays, others reject
this
 statement because they think there are more significant troubles. I must admit that I totally agree with the idea that plants and animals are the most substantial things we should be concerned about. Now, I would like to give relevant examples to explain why I think that way. First of all, the flora on our earth has plenty of positive strong impacts. We must remember that they protect us from acts of gods
such
 as floods, landslides or even avalanches. Of course, natural disasters happen no matter what but they would affect the number of lethality positively. Without all these good impacts, we
also
 consume herbs to gain proteins, vitamins and minerals. Being a good source of nutrition, herbs could help us get through a great number of diseases, and obesity or even eat them in order to make a diet.
Secondly
, Nobody can deny animal benefits on our globe.
For example
, without bees, nature has no chance to survive. I do not just mean flora, but
also
 all the lives which living in the world. We cannot imagine the causes of a brute's absence
while
 even a single one could affect
this
 much.
Also
,
such
 as plants, we eat them to get efficient proteins and not only proteins but
also
 carbohydrates, fats and other substances. What is more, we feed them to remove our lack of love feeling. Everybody wants to be loved by others which makes them our best friends who love us without any condition. All in all, it seems to me that without their existence, humanity has no chance to survive.
Submitted by fatmanurdonertas on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay partially addresses the question prompt, but it lacks a fully developed argument. There's an attempt to present relevant points; however, further elaboration and more detailed examples are required for a higher score. To improve, consider extending the discussion by including more nuanced arguments about both views mentioned and concluding with a clearer, more impactful statement that reflects these insights.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows potential in presenting ideas, yet it struggles with clarity and the logical development of points. There are issues with coherency, such as abrupt transitions and a lack of clear connections between ideas. Use a range of cohesive devices and organize your essay into clear paragraphs with topic sentences that guide the reader through your argument. Work on a stronger introduction that clearly states the essay's purpose and an effective conclusion that summarizes the key points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: