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Band 7.5

Many teenagers now have their smart phones. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your opinion.

#teenagers #phones
In
this
 modern era, the popularity of smartphones has been increasing among young adults.
While
 there are some benefits associated with having their own smartphones, I believe that the main drawbacks are more substantial. On the one hand, a potential advantage of owning smartphones may be improving teenagers’ interpersonal skills. Getting familiar with cutting-edge gadgets can help them to live in harmony with others.
Besides
, applying modern computerized mobile applications into children’s lives brings enormous advantages to them.
For instance
, Apps
such
 as Skype and WhatsApp cross geographical barriers,
therefore
, cross-cultural communications have been formed among youngsters all around the world. Another perceived benefit is that students can have easy access to modern educational software which is designed to boost their cognitive skills.
For example
, Duolingo, an application which is created to teach different languages, can help children to become multilingual.
Consequently
, they will be more likely to apply to international universities in the future.
On the other hand
, a primary disadvantage of having a mobile phone is the possible exposure to inappropriate content that teenagers can be easily influenced by.
As a result
, a large number of vices
such
 as smoking, drinking, violent behaviour or becoming drug addicted are cultivated when children are not supervised or given absolute freedom to use their state-of-the-art electronic devices.
Furthermore
, these captivating electronic phones can be a major distractor when it comes to studying,
therefore
, the performance of the students who are using their phones
while
 studying,
as well as
 their grades are gradually declining. A
further
 negative is that adolescents are more likely to suffer from cyberbullying. From a social perspective, the number of children who become victims of cyberbullying has been increasing dramatically in recent decades.
In addition
, the significant role of parents’ monitoring should not be overlooked, as they play an integral role in raising their children’s awareness about the appropriate use of their modern devices. On balance, it is true that owning a smartphone seems advantageous under certain circumstances.
However
, in my view, its adverse effects in terms of developing vices and being cyberbullied outweigh the advantages.
Submitted by shabnam.sohanian on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences within the paragraph relate closely to that topic to maintain coherence throughout the essay. Avoid introducing unrelated ideas within the same paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices beyond the basic conjunctions and transition words. Experiment with synonyms, referencing, and lexical phrases to enhance the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by clearly stating the topic and outlining the structure of the essay, and that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and gives a clear final opinion.
task achievement
Include fully developed responses to all parts of the task with clear, relevant main ideas in each paragraph. Make sure your opinion is clearly presented, whether it be in the introduction, the body, or the conclusion of the essay.
task achievement
Strive for clarity and depth in your ideas by exploring the implications, nuances, and complexities of the topic. Make sure each idea is thoroughly explained and well-supported.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. The examples given should clearly link to the main ideas and strengthen the argument you are presenting.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Smartphones
  • Instant access
  • Educational apps
  • Enhanced communication
  • Navigation
  • Tech skills
  • Distraction
  • Productivity
  • Inappropriate content
  • Cyberbullying
  • Privacy concerns
  • Overreliance
  • Social skills
  • Double-edged sword
  • Responsibly
  • Mitigate
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