IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many teenagers now have their smart phones. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion?

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The young generation is addicted to advanced technology. Mobile
phones
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 are one of the highlighted gadgets which can be found in the hands of every single youngster in the country. It can be beneficial in numerous ways from my perspective because smartphones can not only perform their basic functionality but
also
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 provide features that are essential to make
life
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 easier.
This
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 essay will elaborate on both viewpoints in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, cell
phones
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 play a great role not only in a person's private
life
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 but
also
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 in professional
life
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. Youth can get in touch with their loved ones anytime and anywhere through
this
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 technology. It will work as a safety tool, so, children can contact their elders in dangerous situations.
Moreover
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, numerous educational applications that can run on both Android
as well as
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 iOS systems will help them to grasp more knowledge.
For instance
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, at the time of the COVID-19 pandemic, studying on smartphones was the only option to continue education for children.
Hence
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, cell
phones
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 make the human
life
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 burdenless.
On the other hand
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, one of the cons of
smart mobile
Correct your spelling
smartmobile
phones
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 that can never be avoided is the health issues that were initiated with
this
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 advancement. High rays coming through signals will damage various nerves in living beings. Because of the harmful rays, they leave a severe impact on humans's eyes and brains.
Due to
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 that 90 % of the young generation are suffering from eye diseases. To exemplify, as per the World Health Organization's recent report, 50 % of infants wore spectacles because of watching mobile at an early age.
This
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 will lead a serious damage in their elderly age.
Therefore
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, without attractive health, these gadgets are unuseful. To summarise, the advantages of
phones
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 can not compete with other technology but their drawbacks can not be avoidable. In future, it can be sure that scientists will overcome the dangerous impacts of mobile
phones
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.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay shows clear organization, with paragraphs that each start with a topic sentence. However, the connections between ideas could be strengthened with better use of cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and satisfactorily introduce and summarize the topic, but they need to be more explicitly linked to each other and to the body of the essay for a more coherent narrative.
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported, but the supports could be more developed and varied, including a wider range of sentence structures and more detailed examples for a deeper exploration of the topic.
task achievement
Your task response adequately addressed the topic and provided an opinion as required. However, ensure your response directly addresses all parts of the prompt throughout the essay, not just in the opening or conclusion.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and generally well expressed, but attempt to more comprehensively articulate your arguments with more nuanced language and a greater range of vocabulary to convey precise meaning.
task achievement
Some relevant examples are used, but they could be more specific and detailed to strengthen the arguments made and illustrate your points more vividly. Aim to provide concrete statistics or real-world examples that directly support your claims.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Smartphones
  • Instant access
  • Educational apps
  • Enhanced communication
  • Navigation
  • Tech skills
  • Distraction
  • Productivity
  • Inappropriate content
  • Cyberbullying
  • Privacy concerns
  • Overreliance
  • Social skills
  • Double-edged sword
  • Responsibly
  • Mitigate
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