IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #university #study #lack #workers #electricians #plumbers
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In recent years engineering and medical
fields
 have become so popular. So most students go to universities to achieve these degrees but
due to
this
, we have fewer
people
 in
fields
 like electricity and plumbing. I agree with the given statement because if we did not encourage vocational training for these
professions
then
 we would hire more
people
 from other countries which would be more expensive and waiting time would increase automatically.
One
 of the promising reasons is that if
people
 from
one
 nation do not take an interest in these
professions
then
 they will come under the category of bottle-neck
professions
 and
then
 we need
people
 from other countries.
For instance
, Germany hires so many plumbers and electricians every year to fill the vacancy in these
fields
. Even they pay too much extra salary to these professionals.
Moreover
, the waiting time increases even in some cases where
one
 needs to book an appointment for the plumber and electricians.
This
 unavailability increases the price as well because even for booking
one
 needs to pay some initial amount.
For example
, in the USA
this
 amount is between 50-100 dollars. In conclusion,
one
 can say the demand for these bottle-neck
professions
 increasing
due to
 less interest of individuals in these
professions
 and there are need for encouragement for vocational training in
fields
 like plumbing and electricity. Because day by day
people
 face so many problems
due to
this
.
Moreover
, the Government spending too much money to hire
people
 from other nations. And
this
 automatically has a direct burden on the normal population.
Submitted by vivek6909127 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and avoid repetition. For example, mention only once the point about hiring workers from other countries.
task achievement
Introduce more specific examples and statistics to strengthen your argument. For instance, provide data on the shortage of domestic vocational workers.
task achievement
Use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures. For example, instead of 'the demand for these bottle-neck professions increasing,' you might say 'the demand for these professions, which are experiencing a bottleneck.'
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This aids in readability and understanding.
task achievement
The writer mentions relevant examples, such as Germany hiring electricians and plumbers from other countries, to support their argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • skilled workers
  • vocational training
  • academic study
  • qualified
  • electricians
  • plumbers
  • technicians
  • hands-on experience
  • job market
  • infrastructure
  • economy
  • unemployment rates
  • consumer spending
  • educational paths
  • job satisfaction
  • societal resilience
  • versatile workforce
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