IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that newspapers are the best way to learn the news. However, others believe that they can learn the news more effectively though other media. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #newspapers #news #media
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are two contrasting views regarding the effectiveness of
newspapers
Use synonyms
 as a means of acquiring
information
Use synonyms
 compared to the accessibility of
news
Use synonyms
 through other
media
Use synonyms
 channels,
such
Linking Words
 as social
media
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 it may appear reasonable in certain aspects to rely on
newspapers
Use synonyms
 for
news
Use synonyms
 consumption, I personally believe that the internet occupies a unique position in
this
Linking Words
 regard. On one hand, the older generation ought to rely on
newspapers
Use synonyms
 as their primary source of
news
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is primarily because older
individuals
Use synonyms
 may not have a thorough understanding of contemporary technological devices,
such
Linking Words
 as smartphones and computers, which can make them feel somewhat clumsy and uncomfortable when trying to
access
Use synonyms
news
Use synonyms
 or watch videos online. In some cases, they may struggle to comprehend the functionality of these devices, including tasks like adjusting the font size.
Additionally
Linking Words
, older
individuals
Use synonyms
 are accustomed to reading
newspapers
Use synonyms
 as a traditional source of
information
Use synonyms
, and changing
this
Linking Words
 habit may not be straightforward for them.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
newspapers
Use synonyms
 remain the optimal source for older
individuals
Use synonyms
 to obtain
information
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 relevant to their surroundings or environment.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that various social
media
Use synonyms
 platforms, including Facebook and Instagram, offer several advantages for
individuals
Use synonyms
, particularly the younger generation.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the internet provides a vast amount of
information
Use synonyms
, allowing people to
access
Use synonyms
 data that aligns with their preferences and interests.
Thus
Linking Words
, by simply entering a search query, the desired
information
Use synonyms
 becomes readily available.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 the prevalence of technology, young
individuals
Use synonyms
 can easily
access
Use synonyms
news
Use synonyms
 on social
media
Use synonyms
 platforms.
For instance
Linking Words
, on Facebook, young users often share the most relevant
information
Use synonyms
 they possess, making it accessible to others who may
access
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 data through a smartphone, regardless of their location or the time of day. In conclusion,
newspapers
Use synonyms
 and other traditional
media
Use synonyms
 sources continue to be effective means of acquiring
news
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, from my standpoint, I believe that online
media
Use synonyms
 websites offer a more effective and convenient way to
access
Use synonyms
news
Use synonyms
 and
information
Use synonyms
, especially for the younger generation, who are more adept at using technology and prefer the convenience and variety offered by the internet.
Submitted by phamnhung275 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
While your introduction presents both views, it lacks a clear thesis statement with your own opinion. Adding a clear thesis statement helps the reader understand your position from the beginning.
task response
The main points of your essay could have been expanded with clear and specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an identifiable structure, but you may improve the logical progression of ideas with better topic sentence formation and more coherent paragraph transitions.
task response
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay, but ensure to restate your personal opinion clearly and concisely.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • news coverage
  • perspectives
  • opinions
  • accessed
  • interactive
  • engaging
  • real-time
  • multimedia
  • combination
What to do next:
Look at other essays: