IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Nowadays, There is no denying that most countries are spending heavily on deepsea exploration for
oil
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 and other natural
resources
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,
whereas
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 some people believe that we should be looking for
alternative
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 sources of
energy
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, and some believe that to meet the current demand
oil
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 exploration should be given priority. I firmly believe that
oil
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 dependency should be reduced and replaced by other
alternative
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 means.
To begin
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 with,
Energy
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 is the key source of most industries and automobiles, and
oil
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 is the major contributor to fulfilling
this
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 industry demand.
However
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, the rate at which the world population has increased, puts natural
resources
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 under huge stress, to meet the population's
energy
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 demands, governments and other private companies are in a race to explore the possible reserves of
oil
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 fields and spending huge on advanced technologies and manpower.
For instance
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, as per the recent figures from the World Natural Resource Reserve Agency, the world has been left with only a limited reserve of natural
resources
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 which can suffice for the next couple of decades.
Hence
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, the need for
alternative
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 sources of power
such
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 as wind and solar should not be neglected .
In addition
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 to that,
oil
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 is the key reason for environmental pollution as it emits most CO2 into the air, resulting in deteriorating impacts on the ecosystem.
On the other hand
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, if the government spend its money on exploring and promoting
alternative
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 means of power
such
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 as solar, hydro-plants and windmills will not only reduce the dependency on
oil
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 but they
are
Change the verb form
also mean
show examples
also
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 means of clean
energy
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 , So that , can help to overcome or at least to control the severe air pollution conditions.
To conclude
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, I agree that the government is responsible for solving the
energy
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 crises and effectively managing the natural
resources
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, making and implementing favourable policies to promote new sources of power. But, society and its individuals
also
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 need to be reasonable
while
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 consuming
energy
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.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your argument. This will make your points more convincing and grounded.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph has a clear main idea that supports the central thesis of your essay. This will improve clarity and coherence.
task achievement
Consider expanding on each alternative energy source with specific benefits and potential challenges to demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and a well-rounded conclusion, summarizing the main arguments effectively.
task achievement
You successfully highlight the crucial issue of reliance on fossil fuels and the environmental impacts, integrating this into your argumentative framework.
coherence cohesion
The response is structured logically with a moderate flow of ideas, guiding the reader through the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • finite
  • renewable energy sources
  • expenditure
  • compromise
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • infrastructure
  • economic sustainability
  • dependency
  • fluctuating prices
  • stimulate
  • job creation
  • vested interests
  • transition
  • reluctance
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