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Band 7

Many parents complain that computer games have no value to their chuldren’s Study. On the contrary , those online games have produced a lot of negative effect on their mental and physical development. What is your opinion

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Video
games
 have become more popular with the rise in technology,
people
 of every age play
video
games
 today. Many parents complain that
computer
games
 have no value to their children’s study and have affected their children's mental and physical development. I disagree with
this
 statement, as I am neutral towards
this
 topic.
Video
games
 these days have a lot of influence on a normal mind, which could be a bad thing if taken the wrong way. I've had similar experiences and have seen
people
 behave weirdly after several years of playing
computer
games
. Another negative effect of gaming would be addiction which could lead
people
 not getting involved in any physical activities and
hence
, causing physical issues like back pain.
Computer
games
 have
also
 provided a platform for scammers and predators who are looking for vulnerable targets to make quick money. With every disadvantage comes advantages,
while
video
games
 have a lot of cons, they
also
 have a lot of pros. Studies suggest that
people
 who play
video
games
 have a better reaction time than those who do not.
Furthermore
,
computer
games
also
 provide life-like experiences with realistic simulators that have been developed over the years. Many
people
 have their lives turned around because of the career opportunities in e-sports and streaming
computer
games
while
also
 helping
people
 show their talents.
Games
 like Minecraft
also
 have education modes which are used in schools which help students learn in a better and more creative way.
Moreover
,
computer
games
also
 have parental control which can help parents limit how much time their children play and what content children are allowed to see.
To conclude
,
computer
games
 have both advantages and disadvantages. I think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages provided that the child has a safe environment.
Submitted by satyarthverma88 on

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task achievement
Try to state your position more clearly. Being 'neutral' may make your essay seem less decisive, which can impact the strength of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Develop your paragraphs more fully. Aim for more detail supporting your points, and try to make your ideas flow more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with your sentence structure and language. Avoid using colloquial language (e.g., 'I've had similar experiences') in formal essays.
task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument, showing a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The concluding paragraph effectively sums up your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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