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Band 2.5

The historical significance of tools in human evolution

#significance #tools #evolution
This
 novel is a portrait story about the nomad destiny of
Remi
, who is the main character and has neither parents nor relatives. When he was an infant, he was adopted by a circus team led by Mr. Vitali. Fortunately, Mr. Vitali is an experienced and virtuous old man, so he
accompanied
Wrong verb form
accompanies
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 the poor boy through the many hardships of the circus journey around France. After that,
Mr.
Change the punctuation
Mr
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 Vitali passed away, leaving
Remi
 and his loyal dog to continue the adventure, leading to the “Vitali lifestyle."
Remi
 rescues a vulnerable boy called Matchia and always be righteous, gracious, studious, grateful, and self-respecting. Eventually,
Remi
 found his biological family and lived happily forever with his family and friends.

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task achievement
The essay provided is not adhering to the specified topic of 'The historical significance of tools in human evolution'. The content seems irreverent, discussing a novel and its plot instead of focusing on the given historical topic. It is critical to stay on the prescribed subject matter.
coherence cohesion
The text does not contain a logical progression of ideas concerning the history of tools and their impact on human development. Rather, it reads like a literary plot summary and thus lacks cohesion in context to the assigned task. To address this, provide clear structuring of the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion that intricately bind together the importance of tools in our ancestral past.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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