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Writing Samples
Band 4

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is often seen that many
people
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 are beginning to do their
activities
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 from
home
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 as
impacts
Correct article usage
the impacts
show examples
 of technology
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
become cheaper and more accessible. Personally, I think
this
Linking Words
 is a negative development which
include
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includes
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 the interpersonal relationship both for
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adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 and
children
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. I will explain my reasons in
this
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 essay. One of the main reasons that doing
activities
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such
Linking Words
 as working from
home
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 is negative development is its impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
interpersonal relationships. The main cause of
this
Linking Words
 problem is when
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adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
working
Wrong verb form
work
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 from
home
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, they can'
t
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 interact with other
people
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 outside the house.
For instance
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, when they are in the meeting and training online, they can'
t
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 see the
people
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who
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whom
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 they interact with directly.
Moreover
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, they can'
t
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 see the body language and gestures that
people
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 do when they
linked
Add a missing verb
are linked
show examples
 and
this
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 may cause misunderstandings between
people
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 who are working together.
Thus
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, it
gives
Verb problem
has
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bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 impact on the
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adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 who are working from
home
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.
Secondly
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, studying from
home
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 can
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
Correct article usage
a bad
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bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 effect on the
children
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 which may cause
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 can'
t
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 interrelate
Change preposition
with
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to
Change preposition
with
show examples
Change preposition
with other
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other
Change preposition
with other
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 kids who are the same age
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as
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with
Change preposition
as
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 them.
For instance
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,
children
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 can'
t
Use synonyms
studying
Change the verb form
study
be studying
show examples
 together and
changing
Change the verb form
change
be changing
show examples
 their thoughts directly with their friends.
Moreover
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,
children
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 who are studying from
home
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 may have problems with their
health
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,
for
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instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 they may have problems with their eyes that always have to see the screen for studying.
Additionally
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,
children
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 can'
t
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 do
activities
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such
Linking Words
 as exercising
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outdoor
Replace the word
outdoors
show examples
 and it may
give
Verb problem
apply
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
health
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, especially
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their physical and mental
health
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.
Thus
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,
children
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 can'
t
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 do anything they want with their friends and may have
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 impact on their
health
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 if they were studying from
home
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. In conclusion, I feel that there are clear disadvantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 doing
activities
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such
Linking Words
 as working and studying from
home
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 both for
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 and
children
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. The main drawbacks are they may have
a serious problems
Correct the article-noun agreement
a serious problem
serious problems
show examples
 with their interpersonal relationship and their
health
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, especially physical and mental
health
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. The question reminds us that we must always make sure not to do all
activities
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 online and must interact with
people
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 directly.

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introduction
Your introduction could provide a clearer statement, directly addressing whether you believe working and studying from home are positive or negative developments. This would better set the stage for your arguments.
paragraphing
The essay structure needs improvement. A more organized approach, each paragraph discussing a single central idea, will help in creating logical flow.
cohesion
To enhance cohesion, use a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices. This will strengthen the relationship between your ideas.
examples
To address the task more effectively, elaborate on your ideas with more detailed reasons and introduce more specific examples to support your arguments. Reflection on personal experience or general knowledge could make your essay more compelling.
conclusion
The conclusion wraps up the essay but should summarize your main points more effectively, reinforcing the arguments made throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remote work
  • e-learning
  • accessibility
  • inclusive
  • productivity
  • personalized learning
  • disciplined routine
  • interpersonal skills
  • cybersecurity
  • sustainability
  • work-life balance
  • physical disabilities
What to do next:
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