Some people believe that in order to reduce the rising obesity among children the school administration should make it necessary for every child to participate in sports and other outdoor activities. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #obesity #children #school #administration #child #sports #activities

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It is sometimes argued that mandatory

sports

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activities are needed to reduce the occurrence of overweight among children. I completely agree that

school

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administration plays an important role in maintaining adolescent's health. The argument in favour of making physical and outdoor activities mandatory by the

school

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authorities often depends on government subsidies to keep them going, which means that children will never get a chance to avoid active classes.

For example

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, The Guardian newspaper conducted meticulous research in March 2033 and stated that in 6 out of 10 cases of overweight issue in learners was

due to

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the absence of specific time for their body movements at both homes and schools. Owing to

this

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, after adopting

this

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trend, students can burn some extra calories and ultimately curb the fat-enhancing factors.

In addition

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, physical education teachers cannot only help to identify the appropriate game for them, but they can

also

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assist in selecting a healthy diet related to a reduction of fat consumption for better endurance.

Furthermore

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such

Linking Words

a minute change can bring numerous other weight-reducing benefits in pupils' lives and predominantly, they can adopt a healthy lifestyle for their whole life. To elucidate, when

sports

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are unavoidable at

school

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and their impact will be shown on the final marks sheet, students will try to maintain a high spirit to perform well and they may attain

this

Linking Words

by adopting a disciplined lifestyle.

For instance

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, as per the annual report of

last

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year by the World Health Organisation, 55% of elementary

school

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players had been observing tremendous change in their sedentary habits

as well as

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lipid reduction since their institutions caused them to take part in

sports

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Hence

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this

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phenomenon can be a good method for fat trimming.

To conclude

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, I agree with

this

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phenomenon that by making

sports

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and outdoor activities unavoidable for young people ,

this

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change can be the best method for adipose tissue reduction by enduring a distinctive way of living.

Submitted by kiqueenie95 on Wed Dec 18 2024

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task achievement

Ensure all examples and statistics provided are realistic and credible. The mention of 'The Guardian' in 2033 could confuse readers since it’s set in the future.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving grammatical accuracy and variety to elevate language use.

task achievement

The essay effectively uses examples and research data to support the arguments made, which strengthens the response significantly.

coherence cohesion

The organization of the essay is excellent, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs each focusing on a single main idea, and a concise conclusion.

task achievement

A persuasive and well-structured argument is presented throughout the essay, demonstrating a strong command of the topic.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

323 words

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Some people believe that in order to reduce the rising obesity among children the school administration should make it necessary for every child to participate in sports and other outdoor activities. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problem as a result of eating to much fast food. It is neccesary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after graduating from high school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many students choose to study at college and universities that are far away from the places where they grew up. Do the benefits outweigh the drawbacks?