Some people believe that in order to reduce the rising obesity among children the school administration should make it necessary for every child to participate in sports and other outdoor activities. Do you agree or disagree?
It is sometimes argued that mandatory
sports
activities are needed to reduce the occurrence of overweight among children. I completely agree that school
administration plays an important role in maintaining adolescent's health.
The argument in favour of making physical and outdoor activities mandatory by the school
authorities often depends on government subsidies to keep them going, which means that children will never get a chance to avoid active classes. For example
, The Guardian newspaper conducted meticulous research in March 2033 and stated that in 6 out of 10 cases of overweight issue in learners was due to
the absence of specific time for their body movements at both homes and schools. Owing to this
, after adopting this
trend, students can burn some extra calories and ultimately curb the fat-enhancing factors. In addition
, physical education teachers cannot only help to identify the appropriate game for them, but they can also
assist in selecting a healthy diet related to a reduction of fat consumption for better endurance.
Furthermore
, such
a minute change can bring numerous other weight-reducing benefits in pupils' lives and predominantly, they can adopt a healthy lifestyle for their whole life. To elucidate, when sports
are unavoidable at school
and their impact will be shown on the final marks sheet, students will try to maintain a high spirit to perform well and they may attain this
by adopting a disciplined lifestyle. For instance
, as per the annual report of last
year by the World Health Organisation, 55% of elementary school
players had been observing tremendous change in their sedentary habits as well as
lipid reduction since their institutions caused them to take part in sports
. Hence
, this
phenomenon can be a good method for fat trimming.
To conclude
, I agree with this
phenomenon that by making sports
and outdoor activities unavoidable for young people , this
change can be the best method for adipose tissue reduction by enduring a distinctive way of living.Submitted by kiqueenie95 on
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task achievement
Ensure all examples and statistics provided are realistic and credible. The mention of 'The Guardian' in 2033 could confuse readers since it’s set in the future.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and variety to elevate language use.
task achievement
The essay effectively uses examples and research data to support the arguments made, which strengthens the response significantly.
coherence cohesion
The organization of the essay is excellent, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs each focusing on a single main idea, and a concise conclusion.
task achievement
A persuasive and well-structured argument is presented throughout the essay, demonstrating a strong command of the topic.