Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages

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Nowadays,

music

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is one form of art that can be enjoyed and bring happiness around the world. Some

people

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say that

music

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is a good option to connect

people

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of different

cultures

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and

ages

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. I absolutely agree with that statement and will discuss it in

this

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essay.

To begin

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with,

music

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can be enjoyed with different

cultures

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and

ages

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to complete cultural

performance

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performances

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and

events

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. In some

cultures

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music

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also

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becomes a musical instrument to support dances and other art performances.

For instance

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, Jaipong, a traditional dance from Indonesia, uses

music

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as a tool to accompany the performance.

This

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is because many

people

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believe

music

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backgrounds would engage multi-

cultures

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and

ages

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to enjoy the shows.

Additionally

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, we

also

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see that

music

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also

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apply

show examples

plays important roles in our daily occasions

such

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as wedding celebrations, birthdays and festive

events

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to liven up

the

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apply

show examples

events

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For example

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, in the wedding event, organizers would tune

music

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with love nuances so those who attended whether they are from different

ages

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and

cultures

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can enjoy the event. Other than that,

music

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has become a cross-promotion culture around the world. Currently, Korea has successfully influenced other nations with

K-Pop

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K-pop

show examples

music

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K-Pop

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K-pop

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with many singers and idols from Korea has proven that

music

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even with languages that we have not heard before can connect

people

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with different

cultures

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and

ages

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. Some K-Pop concerts in Indonesia,

for example

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, attract many visitors ranging from young and older

people

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and different ethnicities in Indonesia come to the concert.

Moreover

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, some of them who are influenced try to find out more about

music

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and culture in Korea.

To sum up

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music

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can connect

people

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with

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show examples

various

ages

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and

cultures

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. It has been proven not only as

complementary

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a complementary

show examples

tools

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tool

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for cultural shows and

events

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but

also

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cultural

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a cultural

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promotion to other countries.

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Sun Jan 07 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay demonstrated a clear structure, and the introduction and conclusion are present and effective. However, work on enhancing the connections between your main points for a more cohesive argument.

task achievement

You addressed the task well with a complete response and clear comprehensive ideas. To improve, try providing more specific examples to support your claims, as the current examples could be elaborated on further for a higher score.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

299 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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