Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Nowadays,
music
is one form of art that can be enjoyed and bring happiness around the world. Some
people
say that
music
is a good option to connect
people
of different
cultures
and
ages
. I absolutely agree with that statement and will discuss it in
this
essay.
To begin
with,
music
can be enjoyed with different
cultures
and
ages
to complete cultural
performance
Fix the agreement mistake
performances
show examples
and
events
. In some
cultures
music
also
becomes a musical instrument to support dances and other art performances.
For instance
, Jaipong, a traditional dance from Indonesia, uses
music
as a tool to accompany the performance.
This
is because many
people
believe
music
backgrounds would engage multi-
cultures
and
ages
to enjoy the shows.
Additionally
, we
also
see that
music
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
plays important roles in our daily occasions
such
as wedding celebrations, birthdays and festive
events
to liven up
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
events
.
For example
, in the wedding event, organizers would tune
music
with love nuances so those who attended whether they are from different
ages
and
cultures
can enjoy the event. Other than that,
music
has become a cross-promotion culture around the world. Currently, Korea has successfully influenced other nations with
K-Pop
Correct your spelling
K-pop
show examples
music
.
K-Pop
Correct your spelling
K-pop
show examples
with many singers and idols from Korea has proven that
music
even with languages that we have not heard before can connect
people
with different
cultures
and
ages
. Some K-Pop concerts in Indonesia,
for example
, attract many visitors ranging from young and older
people
and different ethnicities in Indonesia come to the concert.
Moreover
, some of them who are influenced try to find out more about
music
and culture in Korea.
To sum up
,
music
can connect
people
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
various
ages
and
cultures
. It has been proven not only as
complementary
Correct article usage
a complementary
show examples
tools
Fix the agreement mistake
tool
show examples
for cultural shows and
events
but
also
as
cultural
Correct article usage
a cultural
show examples
promotion to other countries.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrated a clear structure, and the introduction and conclusion are present and effective. However, work on enhancing the connections between your main points for a more cohesive argument.
task achievement
You addressed the task well with a complete response and clear comprehensive ideas. To improve, try providing more specific examples to support your claims, as the current examples could be elaborated on further for a higher score.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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