Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Nowadays,

music

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is one form of art that can be enjoyed and bring happiness around the world. Some

people

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say that

music

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is a good option to connect

people

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of different

cultures

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and

ages

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. I absolutely agree with that statement and will discuss it in

this

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essay.

To begin

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with,

music

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can be enjoyed with different

cultures

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and

ages

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to complete cultural

performance

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performances

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and

events

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. In some

cultures

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music

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also

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becomes a musical instrument to support dances and other art performances.

For instance

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, Jaipong, a traditional dance from Indonesia, uses

music

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as a tool to accompany the performance.

This

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is because many

people

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believe

music

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backgrounds would engage multi-

cultures

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and

ages

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to enjoy the shows.

Additionally

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, we

also

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see that

music

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also

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apply

show examples

plays important roles in our daily occasions

such

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as wedding celebrations, birthdays and festive

events

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to liven up

the

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apply

show examples

events

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For example

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, in the wedding event, organizers would tune

music

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with love nuances so those who attended whether they are from different

ages

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and

cultures

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can enjoy the event. Other than that,

music

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has become a cross-promotion culture around the world. Currently, Korea has successfully influenced other nations with

K-Pop

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K-pop

show examples

music

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K-Pop

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K-pop

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with many singers and idols from Korea has proven that

music

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even with languages that we have not heard before can connect

people

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with different

cultures

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and

ages

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. Some K-Pop concerts in Indonesia,

for example

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, attract many visitors ranging from young and older

people

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and different ethnicities in Indonesia come to the concert.

Moreover

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, some of them who are influenced try to find out more about

music

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and culture in Korea.

To sum up

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music

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can connect

people

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with

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show examples

various

ages

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and

cultures

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. It has been proven not only as

complementary

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a complementary

show examples

tools

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tool

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for cultural shows and

events

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but

also

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cultural

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a cultural

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promotion to other countries.

misstiasclassroomSun Jan 07 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay demonstrated a clear structure, and the introduction and conclusion are present and effective. However, work on enhancing the connections between your main points for a more cohesive argument.

task achievement

You addressed the task well with a complete response and clear comprehensive ideas. To improve, try providing more specific examples to support your claims, as the current examples could be elaborated on further for a higher score.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

299 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people think that schools should invest more money in technology, such as more computers, while others think more money should be spent on teachers. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some societies think that it is better for high school students to study a wide range of subjects than to focus on a narrow range of subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Online is the best way to learn a foreign language. Do you agree or disagree?

Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues.