IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Should healthcare be funded totally by the government for everyone? Some people think that studying history is a waste of time while others think it is essential to learn history. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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healthcare is most important sector in growth of any country and most of the times its is run by the government even though some of countries fund it for their citizens,
while
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 others charge huge amount of money. so in terms of healthcare innovation and covering large populations we need to go through history of health care systems to have better understanding. my opinion is to combined all historical data to provide an effective and affordable healthacare facilities to the the
people
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, but some
people
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 are in favour of doing that and some are against it. so lets dive in see two views simultaneously before coming to an conclusion. positive effects: health is something that
people
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 are worried of from 17th century, when scientist started discoverying disease and their actually cause,that lead to rsesearchs to find treatment of dreadful diseases. so history tells us something which should be taken into account before making decisions.
for instance
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 world was much more prepared in covid -19
then
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 it was in way back 100 years ago when plague turned into a pandemic. negative effects: some of
people
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 believe prevously collected data doesnot help much as science is evolved and now person can find cure by converting same pandemic virus into vaccine. these new technologies to create antibodies and effcetively manage health of
people
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 can shape new era of helathcare system, in which private players are playing key role to manufacture vaccines to meet growing demands. conclusion: I'm in favour of keeping the history in order to prevent mass casulity in case of pandemic becuse it holds lot of information how to manage
such
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 scenarios and potential cautions that needs to be taken.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer and more structured. Make sure to define the topic and state your opinion more distinctly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and transitions smoothly from one idea to the next. Some parts felt a bit disjointed.
task achievement
Expand on the key ideas in your paragraphs to provide a more in-depth exploration. Each point should be fully developed with examples and explanations.
task achievement
You included relevant examples to support your main points, especially regarding historical healthcare responses during pandemics.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • equal access
  • health disparities
  • basic human right
  • public health outcomes
  • preventive care
  • early intervention
  • strain national budgets
  • increased taxes
  • private funding
  • competition
  • efficiency
  • cultural heritage
  • past mistakes
  • informed society
  • valuable lessons
  • societal norms
  • policy
  • subjective
  • biased
  • reliable
  • science and technology
  • practical
  • critical thinking
  • analytical skills
  • holistic education
  • well-rounded individuals
  • different perspectives
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