IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

n some countries, students pay their college or university fees, while in some others, the government pay for them. Do you think the advantages that government pays the money outweigh the disadvantages?

#n #countries #students #college #university #fees #government #money
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There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of nations, in which
fees
Correct article usage
the fees
show examples
 of universities or colleges are paid by pupils,
while
Linking Words
on the other hand
Linking Words
, in some countries the
government
Use synonyms
 bear those educational expenses. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will elucidate both aspects and
at the end
Linking Words
, I will ultimately express my own opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the primary benefits of educational fees paid by
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 include mental relaxation and
affordibility
Correct your spelling
affordability
.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of the students do not pursue their higher studies
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of finances,
with
Correct word choice
but with
show examples
 the assistance of officials, they can achieve their goals. If the
government
Use synonyms
 pay heed to the financial problems arising in the academics of students, they will bring
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 difference in their mental
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the middle and the lower class population
does not
Verb problem
cannot
show examples
 even afford the cost of elementary education, so most of their offspring are deprived of
this
Linking Words
 blessing, allocating funds by the authority can educate their children.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the DAWN NEWS, the regime of
vietnam
Change the capitalization
Vietnam
show examples
 has focused on educating every citizen, for they consider it their basic right.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
administrations
Change to a genitive case
administration's
administrations'
show examples
 role is essential for the development of the nation. On the
flipside
Correct your spelling
flip side
show examples
, a considerable
number
Use synonyms
 of countries are facing issues in countering
this
Linking Words
 situation, because of
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
Use synonyms
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
population and other problems.
As the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 world population is growing
swiflty
Correct your spelling
quickly
, which leads to the scarcity of resources,
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
educating every student
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the expense of
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 is a tough job for authorities.
Moreover
Linking Words
, with
this
Linking Words
 emerging technological world, there are other serious
challeneges
Correct your spelling
challenges
 arising,
investing
Correct word choice
and investing
show examples
 all the funds
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 sector
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 it impossible to cope with these. For illustration,
according to
Linking Words
survey
Add an article
a survey
show examples
 by UNICEF, several
Use synonyms
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
people are not getting proper health facilities, basic food, clean water for drinking and accommodation.
As a result
Linking Words
, the ratio of the amount for
this
Linking Words
 sector should be limited.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I opine that, the drawbacks of the aforementioned issue
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 its desirable outcomes, for there are other detrimental issues, which need
large
Change the article
a large
show examples
 amount of investment, by investing all the money in
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 sector can lead to
such
Linking Words
scenario
Correct article usage
a scenario
show examples
, which can damage the
soveriegnity
Correct your spelling
sovereignty
 of a nation.
Submitted by umark5353 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea. Develop this idea with appropriate supporting sentences and use a concluding sentence that summarises the paragraph's main point and links to the next paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Organise your essay into clear paragraphs including an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use a range of linking words accurately and flexibly. Check for the logical flow of ideas and transition between them.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. Offer a balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages and ensure that your personal stance is clear throughout the essay. Conclude with a clear opinion that summarises your earlier point.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully with a clear rationale and in-depth explanation. Where possible, use specific examples to illustrate your points. Aim for clear and well-developed ideas that relate directly to the question.
task achievement
When including examples, ensure they are both relevant and specific. General examples or those which do not directly support your main points may detract from the overall effectiveness of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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