It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?
In
this
modern world, children
make mistakes are common. Some people believe that children
need to know the difference between right and wrong at an early age, while
others think it is compulsory to give punishment to change
their behaviour. In this
essay, I will explain why I completely disagree with this
statement and I will support my opinion with various examples.
Firstly
, good guidance and advice will change
children
's mindsets. To illustrate, in comparison with harsh punishments, there are good ways to change
children
's behaviours. In addition
, children
's minds get upset when parents or teachers
treat them badly because most of the children
's role models are their mother
or father. Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
For example
, In 2011 there was a report submitted by China university students
, that 50% of young people said that their role models are their parents or their favourite teachers
.
On the other hand
, giving educational-based punishment will increase kid's knowledge. To brief, in schools or institutions most of the teachers
struggle to handle some students
. In this
kind of time, teachers
are allowed to use punishments to control their students
. For instance
, in Japan, school teachers
do not give harsh punishments instead
they provide mathematical-based question papers for uncontroled
Correct your spelling
uncontrolled
students
so the students
think twice about doing bad activities again.
In conclusion, while
it is true that the teachers
are struggling to handle more students
so giving educational-based punishment will increase kids' knowledge, the benefits of giving proper guidance and advice will
Correct pronoun usage
that will
change
kids’ mindset offers are undeniable. Therefore
I strongly disagree with this
statement.Submitted by shruthiudhai7 on
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task achievement
While your essay addresses both parts of the prompt, it is essential to better integrate and elaborate on the ideas. Ensure that your main points are clearly articulated and that they directly relate to the essay question.
coherence cohesion
You have presented a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. Try to use linking words and phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Each of your main points should be supported by relevant and specific examples. While you have used examples, make sure they are more precisely linked to your arguments to strengthen your essay's persuasiveness.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for your argument, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
task achievement
You have provided some relevant examples to support your ideas, which adds strength to your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and well-organized structure with distinct paragraphs.