IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, many
countries
Use synonyms
 have more young
adults
Use synonyms
 than older
people
Use synonyms
. I believe that
countries
Use synonyms
 with more young
people
Use synonyms
 have more advantages than those that have more older
people
Use synonyms
. Young
adults
Use synonyms
 are the most valuable resources for a country. Young
people
Use synonyms
 can learn everything faster than older
people
Use synonyms
 which means they can make more innovations and have a positive effect on technological development to boost the economy.
For example
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
 today can use AI services effectively for working and production.
In contrast
Linking Words
, most older
people
Use synonyms
 have never even heard about AI.
Countries
Use synonyms
 that have a large number of young
adults
Use synonyms
 will not face the population
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 problem. Young
people
Use synonyms
's bodies are stronger than older
people
Use synonyms
. They have fewer opportunities to have serious illnesses so that
countries
Use synonyms
 can save more money to develop their economy, military and technology.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
 can make their community more energetic. They are more willing to do some volunteer work to help
people
Use synonyms
 and make the society more stable. Too many young
people
Use synonyms
 can cause other social problems
such
Linking Words
 as too much competitive pressure, which may reduce
people
Use synonyms
's happiness.
However
Linking Words
, if the country can allocate resources properly and provide young
adults
Use synonyms
 with different forms of support to help young
people
Use synonyms
 buy a house after graduation, get married and bring up their children, it will not be a significant problem. In my opinion, it is very lucky for a country to have more young
adults
Use synonyms
 than older
people
Use synonyms
. All they need to do is to provide young
people
Use synonyms
 with opportunities and essential guides to stimulate their potential.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction and Conclusion
Your essay introduction should clearly state your position regarding whether the advantages outweigh disadvantages and summarize the main points you will discuss. The essay's conclusion should restate your main argument and succinctly summarize the discussed points, reinforcing your stance.
Logical Structure and Paragraphing
Create a logical sequence of ideas and maintain paragraphing that clearly separates your points. Use cohesive devices to make the transition between sentences and paragraphs smoother.
Supporting Main Points
Ensure that each main point is developed with sufficient support. This could be through concrete examples, explanations, or data that relate directly back to the main point.
Task Response
Address the prompt fully by covering both advantages and disadvantages in balanced detail. Your ideas should be well-developed and appropriately extended, without going off-topic. Ensure the examples provided are specific and relevant to the central argument.
Language Accuracy
Your language should be appropriately academic and formal. Avoid using colloquial expressions and ensure the accuracy of vocabulary and grammatical structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
Look at other essays: