Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
The idea of compulsory military
service
for all young men, and possibly women, has been an increasingly heated topic, with some commentators suggesting that it could be beneficial. However
, I firmly disagree with this
viewpoint and I will address some reasons why I am against this
idea.
First of all, it is better for people to improve their other skills that fit their passion and align with their future careers, rather than undergoing military training . For instance
, individuals who aspire to be engineers might prefer to polish their skills in areas such
as computer programming, data analysis or search engine optimization. This
can help them improve their employability and meet job market demands instead
of wasting their precious time on irrelevant activities. As a result
, compulsory military service
could cause people to miss their job opportunities such
as losing a job offer from their dream company.
Another point to note is that the government should allocate funds to improve the quality of life for citizens rather than spending substantial amounts on military service
. For example
, The government has to spend huge sums on salaries for officers and staff, as well as
on new military weapons or vehicles, such
as submarines and aircrafts
to increase military power. Correct your spelling
aircraft
Instead
, this
money could be distributed to other sectors such
as economic and social development . The government could use these funds to improve the overall
standard of living by investing in infrastructure, subsidizing healthcare services, and offering free education programs, which are much more beneficial for the nation as a whole.
In conclusion, I strongly disagree with this
idea of compulsory military Correct determiner usage
the
service
for young men and women. It is better to allow people to have their own free will and pursue their dreams rather than following the nation's desires.Submitted by bhavifasai on
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task achievement
You have presented clear arguments against compulsory military service and supported them with relevant examples. However, consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your essay. Acknowledging the other side of the debate and refuting it can make your argument more robust.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to use more transitional phrases to link your ideas and paragraphs smoothly. Phrases such as 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' 'On the other hand,' and 'In addition' can help guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument and clearly presents your stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a distinct point.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your essay.
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