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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Obesity has been found to be a serious health hazard the world over, over the past few decades. What are the causes behind it? What are the effects of it on various sections of the community?

#obesity #health #hazard #world #decades #effects #sections #community
Dear Mrs. Alice I hope
this
 letter finds you in a good mood.I appreciate your invitation and in
this
 letter, I am writing my thoughts about your cooking
course
 which I took a few months ago. There are two main reasons why I loved so much taking
this
course
 in my curriculum.
Firstly
, I learned to prepare national dishes
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 other countries, which I was not informed about and had not tasted before.
Secondly
, I have made many foreign friends because of your lessons,
in addition
,
in
addition
Add the comma(s)
addition,
show examples
 I participated in cooking competitions
together with
 them. As I said before,
after
this
course
, I participated in cooking contests.
Moreover
, I work as a chef's assistant in a restaurant. We cook many kinds of meals and customers are pleased. I had a lovely time in
this
 curriculum.
Therefore
 if you ever open a dessert
course
 I would love to be a part of it. Thank you again. Yours sincerely, Julie.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are essential in structuring your response effectively. Ensure that your essay begins with an introduction that provides context or a thesis statement and ends with a conclusion that summarizes your key points or restates your position.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weak, as it seems to deviate from the IELTS task. You should maintain clear and logical transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Use cohesive devices such as 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'In addition', 'Moreover', and 'Therefore' effectively to connect ideas.
task achievement
The essay presents some relevant examples, but it does not directly answer the IELTS question posed about the causes and effects of obesity. Focus on directly addressing the questions asked, providing clear and comprehensive ideas, and ensuring complete responses to all parts of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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