IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore physical education and sports should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think?

#exercise #children #teenagers #education #sports #students #schools
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It is believed nowadays that physical activities are beneficial for children and teenagers.
Therefore
, it is mandatory for all pupils to have physical
education
 and
sports
 in all
schools
.
This
 essay fully agrees with
this
 statement because it will benefit their
health
 and widen their life opportunities. First and foremost, mandating
sports
 in
schools
 has a positive impact on
students
'
health
.
This
 is because enrolling in any
sports
 club at school will lead to practising more than three times a week, which will result in burning calories and solve the problem of increasing obesity.
In addition
, physical
education
 will help those who have ADHD control their hyperactivity disorder. A recent study found that joining
sports
 activities will assist with reducing their stress and turning their hyper-energy into something more beneficial. All in all, exercising at school is essential for
students
'
health
. Another crucial point is that physical learning will provide youth with great chances. Some
students
 can pursue a career in
sports
 after they graduate,
while
 others who are financially unstable and cannot afford higher
education
 can rely on
sports
 to attain a scholarship.
For instance
, various universities,
such
 as the University of Arizona and Texas University, provide undergraduate
students
 with a full scholarship based on their performance in football, basketball, and other
sports
 clubs.
For
this
 reason, it is of paramount importance for
schools
 to have physical
education
. In conclusion, I firmly agree with the compulsory exercise and
sports
 for all pupils in all
schools
 on the grounds of
health
 benefits and life opportunities.
Submitted by dana-sh on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, with clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea to maintain clarity.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and clear, which is good. However, try to restate your main ideas in the conclusion more effectively to reinforce your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are mostly supported, but additional details or examples could strengthen your argument. Aim to deepen your explanation of the reasons and effects.
task achievement
You responded to the task well by agreeing with the statement and explaining your reasons. Remember to address all parts of the prompt thoroughly.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear, but they could be more comprehensive. Expand upon your ideas to fully explore the topic.
task achievement
You've included relevant examples, which is good. To improve, incorporate more specific and varied examples to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical health
  • mental well-being
  • cardiovascular fitness
  • muscular strength
  • coordination
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • lifelong habit
  • academic performance
  • concentration
  • childhood obesity
  • active lifestyle
  • compulsory
  • equal opportunities
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