Parents of obese children should be punished for making them fat. Do you agree or disagree?

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Genetics play a big role in making children fat. Many times,the reason why numerous girls and boys gain excessive weight is

due to

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the genes coming from their parents or even their grandparents, proking

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apply

show examples

them a predisposition to obesity. Since

this

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condition is inherited, there is nothing that parents can really do about it so it makes no sense punishing them.

For instance

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, recent research shows that the reason why 50% of children in the US were above 30

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show examples

the BMI scale was because of their specific DNA characteristics.

Submitted by tamaracheroki on Sun Jan 07 2024

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introduction/conclusion

The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are crucial for establishing context and summarizing the main argument. Including these would provide a more structured and cohesive argument. The main point about genetics is mentioned but not fully developed or supported with a range of strong examples or explanations.

supporting main points

The essay presents a basic argument that genetics is the primary reason for childhood obesity, but this point is not supported by a variety of examples or evidence. To enhance the essay, include more specific and detailed examples, and explain how these relate to the overall argument. Additionally, consider presenting a counterargument to show a balanced view.

task response

The response only partially addresses the prompt, with limited development of ideas and examples. The statement provided about genetics and obesity is too general. To improve, explicitly state whether you agree or disagree with the statement in the prompt and elaborate with detailed arguments, including both sides of the argument if possible.

coherence

The essay would benefit from a clearer structure, including distinct paragraphs for the introduction, body, and conclusion. Use topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to introduce main points, and subsequent sentences to explain and support these points. Cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, can also improve the flow of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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3
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

1 paragraphs

91 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity
genetics
socio-economic status
nutritional education
physical activity programs
adverse effects
mental health issues
responsibility sharing
implementation
privileged families
supportive environment
lifestyle changes
educational campaigns

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Parents of obese children should be punished for making them fat. Do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Influence of human beings on the world's ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of bio-diversity. What are the primary causes of loss of bio-diversity? What solutions can you suggest?

Examine the arguments in favour and against animal experiments, and come to a conclusion on this issue.

Some people think that the best way to solve environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.