IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many teenagers now have their smart phones. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Over the past few decades, the rapid development of electronic technology has allowed
people
Use synonyms
 to live more comfortably than ever. It is widely accepted that everyone uses smartphones in their daily
lives
Use synonyms
, and most juveniles
also
Linking Words
 have smartphones.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon has several advantages and disadvantages, and I think the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. Having a smartphone can benefit minors to some extent. First of all,
students
Use synonyms
 can study or watch movies regardless of their
time
Use synonyms
 and place by using their cell
phones
Use synonyms
. Young
people
Use synonyms
 can save their
time
Use synonyms
 and
use
Use synonyms
 the
time
Use synonyms
 more efficiently than ever.
Secondly
Linking Words
, when youngsters have questions, they can search for knowledge on the Internet through their
phones
Use synonyms
 without difficulty.
In addition
Linking Words
, with the rapid development of applications on mobile
phones
Use synonyms
, parents can check their
children
Use synonyms
's location directly and frequently over the phone. Especially, it is a good method to take care of their
children
Use synonyms
 and be safe in
such
Linking Words
 a contemporary society. Plus,
students
Use synonyms
 can fix wrong spelling by using the auto-correction feature. It gives them convenient
lives
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we should not dismiss the disadvantages it can bring about.
Although
Linking Words
 the
use
Use synonyms
 of electronic technology has allowed
students
Use synonyms
 to live more convenient
lives
Use synonyms
, they tend to rely on only mobile
phones
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of asking their teachers and parents.
Besides
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 can lose their creativity and imagination to some extent in the future if they
use
Use synonyms
 mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 for a long
time
Use synonyms
 in daily life. In fact, in South Korea usually, parents give smartphones to their
children
Use synonyms
 early to stop the
children
Use synonyms
 from crying or focusing on their meal in lunch or dinner
time
Use synonyms
. It makes young
people
Use synonyms
 likely to be distracted easily and have an unhealthy life. In conclusion, the development of electronic technology has enabled young
people
Use synonyms
 to read and watch about various topics more easily and live more convenient
lives
Use synonyms
 than in the past,
while
Linking Words
 juveniles can lose learning opportunities in person. Eventually, youth might rely on mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 and they do not know how to survive without a phone. Given all, schools or parents’ close guidelines about the efficient
use
Use synonyms
 of
such
Linking Words
 devices is strongly required.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the advantages and disadvantages you plan to discuss. Your thesis statement should be explicit and guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Organise your paragraphs effectively with clear topic sentences that relate to the thesis. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea, and subsequent sentences should elaborate on this idea with clarity.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices naturally without over-reliance on formulaic structures. Balance the use of linking words with clear progression of ideas from sentence to sentence and paragraph to paragraph.
task achievement
Respond to the prompt fully by addressing both advantages and disadvantages of teenagers owning smartphones. Ensure that your opinion is clear and supported by the arguments presented in the essay.
task achievement
Elaborate on your ideas with clear and comprehensive explanations that support your points. Rather than stating general benefits and drawbacks, delve deeper into how they specifically impact teenagers' lives.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Choose examples that clearly showcase the impact of smartphone ownership on teenagers, and avoid generic statements.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Smartphones
  • Instant access
  • Educational apps
  • Enhanced communication
  • Navigation
  • Tech skills
  • Distraction
  • Productivity
  • Inappropriate content
  • Cyberbullying
  • Privacy concerns
  • Overreliance
  • Social skills
  • Double-edged sword
  • Responsibly
  • Mitigate
What to do next:
Look at other essays: