IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Every country in the world now has a race to ameliorate
science
Use synonyms
. Actually,
this
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 activity can lead to the expansion of knowledge in a multitude of fields
such
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 as education, health, and economy.
As a result
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, citizens' quality of life will significantly improve. Personally, I completely agree with
this
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 statement.
To begin
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 with, the development of
science
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 can help the healthcare system become modern. With the growth of medical care, a plethora of cures and medications will be developed to save more patients’ lives who suffer from chronic illnesses.
For example
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, with the development of medicine, some countries,
such
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 as the United States, Germany and Australia can easily develop vaccines and pills to avoid plagues and epidemics.
Furthermore
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, with the advancements in healthcare, residents will become more aware of ways to prevent severe illnesses.
As a result
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,
science
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 saves a significant number of lives.
On the other hand
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, the rise of
science
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 significantly contributes to the advancement of education. Whenever technology improves, the curriculums will be innovative. Scientists and researchers can study better methods for learning and teaching new generations.
For instance
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, the innovation of Japanese schooling in the past helped
this
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 country become one of the most developed countries in the world. With
this
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 position, citizens can acquire knowledge more effectively, which helps them lead a more advantageous life in society. In conclusion, for the mentioned above, I strongly believe that the primary goal of
science
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 is to enhance the quality of life for citizens. Because
science
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 not only helps single persons in society but
also
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 supports the lives of everyone around the world.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples that are directly related to the impact of scientific advancements, which can strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to ensure that all paragraphs maintain a clear focus on specific aspects of how science improves lives, as this will enhance coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more strategically to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs. This can make your arguments easier to follow.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position and sets the stage for the arguments, which is very effective.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, particularly in the healthcare and education sections, which demonstrate your understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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