today technology is increasingly used to monitor what people are saying anddoing for examplr through telephone tracking and security cameras/ in many cases people being monitored are unaware that this is happening

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Nowadays, Technology development allows us to decrease crime rates.

Although

Linking Words

video surveillance

cameras

Use synonyms

can provide

safety

Use synonyms

and drop

Change preposition

apply

show examples

crimes, they may cause an increased amount of

hackers

Use synonyms

. Technology improved provides us with

safety

Use synonyms

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

since there are security

cameras

Use synonyms

. They are working constantly and established in

both

Use synonyms

work environments and other crowded places where individuals’

safety

Use synonyms

is a priority.

For example

Linking Words

, there are

such

Linking Words

kinds of

cameras

Use synonyms

which are able to not only record actions but

also

Linking Words

identify any dangerous or suspicious objects or personalities.

As a result

Linking Words

, the percentage of crimes in

both

Use synonyms

streets and buildings has declined.

Therefore

Linking Words

, thanks to technological improvements society can be confident in their security guarantee.

While

Linking Words

technological progress can provide us with

safety

Use synonyms

both

Use synonyms

open and closed areas, it can not protect us from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

black

hackers

Use synonyms

. They have more opportunities to hack individuals

as well as

Linking Words

banks through computers and other modernized equipment.

For instance

Linking Words

, black

hackers

Use synonyms

can change their

voice

Fix the agreement mistake

voices

show examples

into victims’ family members and call them.

As a consequence

Linking Words

, we have a great amount of cases when individuals who are deceived do not notice tricks in the voice. They believe them and say private data like ID codes and similar to

this

Linking Words

which thieves use to steal money from credit cards.

Therefore

Linking Words

, improved technologies have made more convenient conditions for

hackers

Use synonyms

. In conclusion, I believe that technological progress provides

both

Use synonyms

safety

Use synonyms

with

cameras

Use synonyms

and dangers with opportunities for

hackers

Use synonyms

. If we were more careful, we would not have

such

Linking Words

a huge amount of complaints about stolen money.

makemoneyizzy16Mon Aug 05 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Ensure that each point in your argument is fully developed. Dive deeper into each idea to strengthen your points.

task achievement

Use more specific and varied examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and balanced.

coherence cohesion

Aim for clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This will guide the reader through your essay more easily.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will help your essay flow more smoothly.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant to the topic. They provide a good starting point and closure for the essay.

complete response

The essay addresses both benefits and drawbacks of technology monitoring. This balanced approach is commendable.

logical structure

The logical structure of your essay is generally clear and easy to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

6.5

Logical structure

7.5

Introduction & conclusion present

6.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

6.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

258 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people's lives. others think that adult life brings more happiness ,in spite of greater responsibilites.
A group of individuals presents the view that the happiest time of one's life is when they are teens, while others believe that despite adults' responsibilities, they are more likely to be more satisfied with their lives. I strongly agree with the latter opinion.
6
band
Some people prefer to live in hot climates. whereas others love the lifestyles in countries with cold climate. Discuss both views and give your opinion
The opinion is divided on whether it is better to live in a hot climate or not. Although, a number of people suggest otherwise, however, I believe that living in the warmer regions has greater benefits. This essay will discuss both views in detail followed by a reasoned conclusion thereafter.
6
band
Home schooling belongs to the past and is unacceptable in modern society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Use your own knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence
Everything has two sides and home schooling is not an exception. In the past it seemed like the most natural way of educating children, but today many people criticize it. We must acknowledge that parents know their children best. That gives them a good chance of knowing how to make their child understand certain concepts. Using their child's interests, parents can make the process of learning more enjoyable and effective. In addition, being at home makes a child feel safe, which contributes to his ability to concentrate on studying. Nevertheless, many people believe that teaching should be done by professionals. There are many proven scientific approaches that produce good results and without those techniques, parents who teach their kids at home have no chance of success. Associative learning is a good example of such a technique. Showing the child images while learning the alphabet (apple for "a", boy for "b") makes him or her remember the letters faster and easier. In addition, ...
7.5
band
It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.
Currently, a survey in several countries indicates that science majors are becoming less popular among students. The following essay will explore the causes of this phenomenon and also discuss the potential impacts it may bring on society.
6.5
band
Cycling is more environmentally friendly than other forms of transport. However, it is longer the main form of transport. What are the reasons? What could be done to encourage the use of bicycles among the wider population?
Less noise or no pollution means of transportation can be considered to cycling but it is not widely used as the major means of travelling. The essay will discuss its reasons and the possible ways to motivate audiences worldwide.

today technology is increasingly used to monitor what people are saying anddoing for examplr through telephone tracking and security cameras/ in many cases people being monitored are unaware that this is happening

Your opinion

some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people's lives. others think that adult life brings more happiness ,in spite of greater responsibilites.

Some people prefer to live in hot climates. whereas others love the lifestyles in countries with cold climate. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Home schooling belongs to the past and is unacceptable in modern society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Use your own knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

Cycling is more environmentally friendly than other forms of transport. However, it is longer the main form of transport. What are the reasons? What could be done to encourage the use of bicycles among the wider population?