today technology is increasingly used to monitor what people are saying anddoing for examplr through telephone tracking and security cameras/ in many cases people being monitored are unaware that this is happening

#technology #people #examplr #telephone #security #cameras #cases

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Nowadays, Technology development allows us to decrease crime rates.

Although

Linking Words

video surveillance

cameras

Use synonyms

can provide

safety

Use synonyms

and drop

Change preposition

apply

show examples

crimes, they may cause an increased amount of

hackers

Use synonyms

. Technology improved provides us with

safety

Use synonyms

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

since there are security

cameras

Use synonyms

. They are working constantly and established in

both

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work environments and other crowded places where individuals’

safety

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is a priority.

For example

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, there are

such

Linking Words

kinds of

cameras

Use synonyms

which are able to not only record actions but

also

Linking Words

identify any dangerous or suspicious objects or personalities.

As a result

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, the percentage of crimes in

both

Use synonyms

streets and buildings has declined.

Therefore

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, thanks to technological improvements society can be confident in their security guarantee.

While

Linking Words

technological progress can provide us with

safety

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both

Use synonyms

open and closed areas, it can not protect us from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

black

hackers

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. They have more opportunities to hack individuals

as well as

Linking Words

banks through computers and other modernized equipment.

For instance

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, black

hackers

Use synonyms

can change their

voice

Fix the agreement mistake

voices

show examples

into victims’ family members and call them.

As a consequence

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, we have a great amount of cases when individuals who are deceived do not notice tricks in the voice. They believe them and say private data like ID codes and similar to

this

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which thieves use to steal money from credit cards.

Therefore

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, improved technologies have made more convenient conditions for

hackers

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. In conclusion, I believe that technological progress provides

both

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safety

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with

cameras

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and dangers with opportunities for

hackers

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. If we were more careful, we would not have

such

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a huge amount of complaints about stolen money.

Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on Mon Aug 05 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that each point in your argument is fully developed. Dive deeper into each idea to strengthen your points.

task achievement

Use more specific and varied examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and balanced.

coherence cohesion

Aim for clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This will guide the reader through your essay more easily.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will help your essay flow more smoothly.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant to the topic. They provide a good starting point and closure for the essay.

complete response

The essay addresses both benefits and drawbacks of technology monitoring. This balanced approach is commendable.

logical structure

The logical structure of your essay is generally clear and easy to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

6.5

Logical structure

7.5

Introduction & conclusion present

6.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

6.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

258 words

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today technology is increasingly used to monitor what people are saying anddoing for examplr through telephone tracking and security cameras/ in many cases people being monitored are unaware that this is happening

Your opinion

The environment is changing rapidly because humans are destroying nature to meet their needs. Discuss this cause of environmental change and suggest some solutions for this problem

Some people think that all unviersity students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology.

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Once children start primary school, teachers have more influence than parents do on their intellectual and social development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In many developing countries, there is an increasing movement of workers from rural areas into cities. Why do you think this happen? What problems can this cause.