today technology is increasingly used to monitor what people are saying anddoing for examplr through telephone tracking and security cameras/ in many cases people being monitored are unaware that this is happening
Nowadays, Technology development allows us to decrease crime rates.
Although
video surveillance cameras
can provide safety
and drop in
crimes, they may cause an increased amount of Change preposition
apply
hackers
.
Technology improved provides us with safety
,
since there are security Remove the comma
apply
cameras
. They are working constantly and established in both
work environments and other crowded places where individuals’ safety
is a priority. For example
, there are such
kinds of cameras
which are able to not only record actions but also
identify any dangerous or suspicious objects or personalities. As a result
, the percentage of crimes in both
streets and buildings has declined. Therefore
, thanks to technological improvements society can be confident in their security guarantee.
While
technological progress can provide us with safety
in both
open and closed areas, it can not protect us from the
black Correct article usage
apply
hackers
. They have more opportunities to hack individuals as well as
banks through computers and other modernized equipment. For instance
, black hackers
can change their voice
into victims’ family members and call them. Fix the agreement mistake
voices
As a consequence
, we have a great amount of cases when individuals who are deceived do not notice tricks in the voice. They believe them and say private data like ID codes and similar to this
which thieves use to steal money from credit cards. Therefore
, improved technologies have made more convenient conditions for hackers
.
In conclusion, I believe that technological progress provides both
safety
with cameras
and dangers with opportunities for hackers
. If we were more careful, we would not have such
a huge amount of complaints about stolen money.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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task achievement
Ensure that each point in your argument is fully developed. Dive deeper into each idea to strengthen your points.
task achievement
Use more specific and varied examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and balanced.
coherence cohesion
Aim for clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This will guide the reader through your essay more easily.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will help your essay flow more smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant to the topic. They provide a good starting point and closure for the essay.
complete response
The essay addresses both benefits and drawbacks of technology monitoring. This balanced approach is commendable.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay is generally clear and easy to follow.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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