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Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#governments #progress #people #country
Nowadays, in the modern world, economic
progress
 is an essential part of all governments. The majority of countries try to reach success in
this
 field. Politics, experts and the public seem to have been discussing
this
 issue for a long time. Some will agree with
this
 statement,
whereas
 there are opponents of
this
 view. Both sides will be debated in
this
 essay and my opinion will be given. On the one hand, there are many reasons why the economic area is important in our world. First of all, increasing the economy improves the quality of life.
Moreover
, governments have a great opportunity to solve different kinds of problems related to the quality of education, environment and nature.
In addition
, many employees will have a good salary thanks to economic growth.
Finally
, stable economic growth contributes to attracting investors, creating new jobs and increasing the incomes of the population.
On the other hand
, there are other types of
progress
 which are necessary for a country.
For instance
, to development of science in different fields improves the image of the state on the global stage.
Also
, governments should care about human rights and get rid of corruption. In my opinion, every sphere of
progress
 plays a significant role in the life of a country. All things considered, the obvious conclusion to be drawn is that the economy definitely is an essential component of a country's success.
However
, the public should remember that there are other sorts of
progress
 which play an important role in our lives.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task achievement
You should work on fully developing your ideas and providing specific examples to support them. Each paragraph should ideally consist of a clear main idea, followed by a detailed explanation or example to support it. When discussing economic progress, for example, cite specific countries or policies that have led to improvements in living standards.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a decent logical structure with clear introduction and conclusion paragraphs, however, it would benefit from clearer topic sentences and transitions between paragraphs to guide the reader through the argument more effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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