IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people believe that all zoos should be closed, while others feel that zoos have a positive impact. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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In the past few decades, there has been a tremendous increase in the number of individuals questioning the necessity of
zoos
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. On one side of the spectrum, there are those who believe that keeping
animals
Use synonyms
 in the zoo has contributed to our understanding of the animal kingdom.
However
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, others, including myself, strongly oppose
this
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 view and
instead
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 believe that a zoo is merely a place of animal cruelty.
To begin
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, there is an argument to be made that
zoos
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 have allowed for scientific advancement
on
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in
show examples
 animal studies and education.
For example
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, scientists have been able to document endangered snow leopard mating and feeding behaviours, which later led to the development of protection programmes.
For
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this
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 reason, it is evident that keeping
animals
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 in an enclosure is highly valuable to science, as
this
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 can contribute to our knowledge
as well as
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 animal conservation. What is more,
zoos
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 are an exceptional place for children to gain exposure and an understanding of rare and exotic animal species,
otherwise
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 they would only be able to see these precious creatures in textbooks and on TV.
This
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 being the case, it can be assumed that if
zoos
Use synonyms
 were to close, our knowledge of wild
animals
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 would be limited and our children’s valuable education would be significantly harmed.
Nonetheless
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, it must be stated that animal cruelty stemming from these enclosures is a significant issue that cannot be overlooked.
For instance
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, two pandas
gifted
Verb problem
passed
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 from China to Germany both died in 2008
due to
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 their maladaptation to the new zoo.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
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 forcing
animals
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 to live in an unnatural habitat is a form of torture, providing no benefit nor protection to an already endangered species.
Furthermore
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, even if these
animals
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 were to survive, keeping
animals
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 in captivity is a complete disregard
of
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for
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 animal welfare and often leads to depression and self-harming behaviour in these creatures. With
this
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 in mind, there is no doubt that if
zoos
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 continue to stay open, more
animals
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 will suffer and precious lives will be lost, merely in the name of science.
To conclude
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, whilst some are under the impression that
zoos
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 provide valuable knowledge and education for all, others, myself included, strongly believe that these institutions are built on the cruelty and sacrifice of
animals
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 in captivity. From my perspective, I am of the fierce belief that
animals
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 deserve the same rights as humans and must have an undisturbed life in their own habitats.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, the essay should have a more balanced discussion on both views before presenting the concluding opinion. Transitions between points can be smoother, providing a better sense of logical flow.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, the essay should ensure that it discusses both views equally and without bias before giving a personal opinion. Argument should be unbiased and fully developed, ensuring examples are woven throughout the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • conservation efforts
  • endangered species
  • breeding programs
  • wildlife reserves
  • animal behavior
  • psychological stress
  • ethical considerations
  • captivity
  • moral questions
  • animal welfare
  • educational resources
  • community engagement
  • economic impact
  • revenue
  • sanctuaries
  • natural habitats
  • virtual reality
  • digital platforms
  • exploitation
  • neglect
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