IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games.What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimise the bad effects?

#people #access #computers #basis #children #computer #games #impacts #minimise #effects
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, many
children
Use synonyms
 spend a significant amount of
time
Use synonyms
 playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 these
games
Use synonyms
 can be entertaining, they
also
Linking Words
 have several negative effects. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
show examples
 influences of playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 on
children
Use synonyms
’s health.
Firstly
Linking Words
, playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 for long hours can lead to health issues,
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 may experience eye strain, headaches, and a lack of physical activity, which can result in obesity.
Secondly
Linking Words
, excessive gaming can negatively affect academic performance.
Children
Use synonyms
 may prioritize
games
Use synonyms
 over homework or studying, leading to lower grades.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
games
Use synonyms
 contain violent content, which can influence
children
Use synonyms
’s
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and make them more aggressive. To reduce these negative effects, parents and teachers can take several steps: one solution is setting
time
Use synonyms
 limits on gaming to ensure
children
Use synonyms
 have enough
time
Use synonyms
 for other
activities
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as studying or exercising.
Additionally
Linking Words
, parents should monitor the type of
games
Use synonyms
 their
children
Use synonyms
 play, choosing educational or age-appropriate
games
Use synonyms
. Schools can
also
Linking Words
 educate
children
Use synonyms
 about the importance of balancing screen
time
Use synonyms
 with physical
activities
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, they can play
games
Use synonyms
 together as a way to bond and understand the gaming culture. Encouraging group
activities
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as sports or hobbies, can
also
Linking Words
 help
children
Use synonyms
 find alternative ways to have fun and interact with others. Teachers and schools can organize extracurricular
activities
Use synonyms
 or workshops to promote a balanced lifestyle and teach
time
Use synonyms
 management skills. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 can be fun, their negative impacts on health, behaviour , and academics should not be ignored. By setting boundaries and promoting healthier alternatives, the harmful effects can be minimized.
Submitted by happy01.uk on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to strengthen your argument, particularly on how gaming affects academic performance.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear linkage between the points in the body and the main argument. While the essay is structured, the transitions between points can be improved.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the question, addressing both negative impacts and potential solutions. This demonstrates a clear understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and clearly outline your argument, providing a good frame for your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay's main points are generally well-supported, with practical solutions suggested to address the issues discussed.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: