IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In today’s world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

#today’s #world #people #smartphone
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In today's digital area, the development of social networking
site
Fix the agreement mistake
sites
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 is a primary motivation
of
Change preposition
for
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 each
people
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person's
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 relationships and a convenient life.
While its
Correct word choice
Its
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 negative aspect
has
Verb problem
is
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 bad reality of social
media
 distraction.
This
 author will explain the reason why the cons of using technology
is
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are
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 outweighed by the benefits of
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
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. The vital role of technology is helping us get on well with others easily. In the past, it
hard
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was hard
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 to contact
with
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apply
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friends or relatives that
are
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were
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 far away
with
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from
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ourselves
Correct pronoun usage
us
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, and the only way to chat together
is
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was
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 the letter and it
makes
Verb problem
took
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 a long time to give and receive it. But now, we just click and we can talk,
call
Correct word choice
and call
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with
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apply
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others who
is
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are
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different cities or countries.
For example
, an immense of social networking sites like Facebook, Messenger
or
Correct word choice
and
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 Discord
has
Verb problem
are
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 used globally.
Thus
, the pros of using social
media
helps
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help
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 us contact more easily. The other advantage of digital is known
of
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for
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 its convenience.
This
is mean
Wrong verb form
means
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 that many actions will organized
in
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on
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 social networking sites like shopping,
draw
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drawing
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 or
study
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studying
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 and we can do anything without traveling.
For instance
, many lessons on YouTube are updated to have a higher quality
to
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for
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 students who learn at home or it can be seen that the
merely
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mere
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 reason for the
decreased
Replace the word
decrease
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of
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in
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retail
Add an article
the retail
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 industry is
due to
 the rise of purchasing online
by
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through
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Shopee
Correct article usage
the Shopee
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 app.
Consequently
, its benefits play an essential role
of
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in
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 our lives and it cannot
indisputable
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be indisputable
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.
Nonetheless
, a minority of teachers and parents worry about its
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 aspect and they have an opposite point of view
that is
 a digital distraction. Many students are easily
to be
Verb problem
apply
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distracted
on
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by
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 social
media
 and they will play video games or surf the internet
instead
 of studying.
This
 may be true, but its simple solution is locking online
website
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websites
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 that
not
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do not
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 allow them to use, help us to focus the lesson and use it
to
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in
show examples
 the correct direction is using it for searching information.
Although
Correct word choice
However
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, the disadvantage of using social
media
 is outweighed by the pros
of
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apply
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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due to
 the
effective
Replace the word
effectiveness
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 of communication it helps us.
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introduction
The essay should start with a clear introduction statement, addressing the essay question directly. Ensure the thesis statement outlines whether you believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or not.
coherence
Use a variety of linking words to improve the flow of the essay and make clear connections between your ideas.
conclusion
End the essay with a strong conclusion that summarizes the main points and clearly states your position regarding the advantages and disadvantages.
paragraphing
Aim for clear paragraphing with each paragraph discussing a separate point. Use topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
examples
Ensure that each point made in support of your argument is accompanied by specific examples or evidence.
developing arguments
The response should be fully developed. This includes providing a thorough explanation of points and incorporating more balanced arguments covering both sides of the issue where possible.
balance of argument
To increase the task achievement score, make sure to discuss both advantages and disadvantages in sufficient detail and conclude on which you believe carries more weight.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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