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Writing Samples
Band 5

In today’s world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphones outweigh the disadvantages?

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Smartphones
Use synonyms
 nowadays have become universal with many
people
Use synonyms
 in the world.
Although
Linking Words
 they may make
people
Use synonyms
 not totally focus on
work
Use synonyms
 or study, their entertainment and use for communication seem to outweigh the drawbacks. One of
advantageous
Add an article
the advantageous
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 aspects of
smartphones
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 is that they can bring entertainment for many
people
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. Indeed, life currently is more and more hectic.
Therefore
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, many
people
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 are usually under an enormous amount of stress.
As a result
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,
smartphones
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 can be suitable for them with various interesting things to help them alleviate stress. To exemplify, you can watch your favourite videos or play video games with your friends with your phones to escape the long stressful hours at
work
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 or study. Another benefit of
smartphones
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 is communication. It is true because everyone has
Correct article usage
a needs
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needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
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for talking
Change preposition
to talk
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 with others.
Thus
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, these advanced machines are very useful for communicating regardless of long distances. Taking
oversea
Correct your spelling
overseas
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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for example
Linking Words
, they now can easily get in touch with their parents or friends in the nation
that
Correct word choice
where
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 they were born via a smartphone.
However
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,
smartphones
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 can make
people
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 ignore what they are doing. Because they have a lot of entertaining apps, many
people
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 can be addicted to them. Thereby, they do not spend an adequate quantity of time
for
Change preposition
on
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 their
work
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.
For instance
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, Facebook with many fascinating short clips wastes most of their time
to watch
Change the verb form
watching
show examples
 these videos, so they do not have enough time to do anything. In conclusion, I am of
my
Change the word
the
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 opinion to say that many
people
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 can neglect their
work
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 if they
over-use
Correct your spelling
overuse
show examples
smartphones
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, but these machines help
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 entertain and communicate with their relatives sufficiently.
As a consequence
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,
smartphones
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 can be very useful for us if we know how to take advantage of them properly.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central theme that is expanded upon throughout the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider range of linking devices and paragraphing to show clear connections between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Always restate your main points in the conclusion to reinforce your argument and clarify your position.
task achievement
Ensure the response fully addresses the prompt by giving equal treatment to advantages and disadvantages within the discussion.
task achievement
Develop ideas further to demonstrate a deeper analysis of the topic, with more varied and specific examples.
task achievement
Make sure examples provided are specific and directly support the point being made instead of general statements. Bring in statistics or real-world instances if possible.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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