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Band 7.5

In the today’s world, many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

#today’s #world #people #smartphone
In the digital era, there is an increasing number of
people
 possessing a smartphone. The writer contends that the benefits of keeping in contact with others and updating news outweigh the drawbacks of phone addiction. Holding
people
 closer regardless of distance should be the primary advantage of
smartphones
. With the wireless network spreading all over the world, individuals can connect with their friends or relatives living in remote areas or even widen their social circle in other nations.
As a result
,
people
 can always update their information about each other so that they can tighten their relationships and reduce the feeling of isolation. Without
smartphones
, letters would be used to keep in touch with
people
, which is a time-consuming and ineffective method. Another benefit of
smartphones
 is providing up-to-date news. It should be acknowledged that individuals are always frightened of being left behind as they detest to be called old-fashioned.
Therefore
, they are in the active mood to receive news at any time and anywhere. With the existence of
smartphones
, their demands can be adapted to the appearance of new information every second.
By contrast
, there are some remaining drawbacks relating to
smartphones
, especially phone addiction. It is easy to come across the image of
people
 walking down the street with their eyes stuck to the screen. They spend hours surfing the Internet or accessing social media since they cannot put their phones down.
This
 is a credible point,
nevertheless
, the government can put a limit on the time residents use their
smartphones
 by applying laws and encouraging them to go outside for other activities. In brief, keeping in touch with others and new information providing immediately can be seen as the pros
whereas
 being addicted to phones is the cons of more and more
people
 owning a smartphone.
However
, the advantages of phones outweigh their disadvantages.
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coherence cohesion
While the essay presents a logical structure with identifiable paragraphs and a clear standpoint, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by an explanation or an example to strengthen the argument. Transitions could be smoother, and there should be less repetition of ideas to enhance readability.
task achievement
The response addresses the task only partially; the candidate should develop their main points more comprehensively by including more detailed and varied examples. Though the essay presents a clear opinion, it would benefit from a more thorough comparison between the advantages and disadvantages to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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