IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people believe that having a pet in the home, such as a dog or a cat, during a child’s first years of life is beneficial to that child’s development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this belief?

#people #pet #home #dog #cat #child’s #first #years #life #development #belief
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There is no denying the fact that nowadays the rate of taking responsibility for a
pet
Use synonyms
, has increased over time.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that, many people think that having a dog or a cat, during a
child
Use synonyms
’s first years of life is beneficial to that
child
Use synonyms
’s development, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that having an animal in a
child
Use synonyms
's life has a negative effect.
To begin
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 with, many youngsters are vulnerable towards
animals
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.
In other words
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, taking care of a
pet
Use synonyms
 at a young age can cause not only a serious disease, but
also
Linking Words
 the animal might be wild, which could harm them.
In addition
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, most kids are emotional towards
animals
Use synonyms
, when they die or do not obey them, it can cause a dramatisation in the
child
Use synonyms
's life.
For example
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, a recent article argued that
animals
Use synonyms
 should not be in a house that has a kid in it, because that will lead not only a serious diseases
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 it can damage their mental health. Another point to consider is that
animals
Use synonyms
 are not toys to do experiments on them. It is
also
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 possible to say that, many children do not know how to take responsibility for a
pet
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, so they will neglect
this
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 animal.
Moreover
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, the kids can not control dogs or cats to obey them, which might give them frustration and anger issues.
For instance
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, if the
child
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 gives food to his
pet
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 and not eating it, he will get disappointed and sad. To encapsulate the essence of everything said above, despite people having different views, I believe that many parents should prevent having a
pet
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 if they have a
child
Use synonyms
 until, they grow up so they might understand the animal better and take care of them well.
Submitted by deemaalkhathlan1 on

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the topic, which is essential. However, it would benefit from a broader range of arguments and more detailed examples to support the main points.
task achievement
There are some issues with sentence structure and grammar that occasionally hinder clarity. Work on using varied sentence structures and ensuring that each sentence is clear and concise.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure, but sometimes the connections between points are not entirely clear. Use more linking words and phrases to improve cohesion between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Adding a few concluding sentences that restate the main points can strengthen the conclusion, making it more impactful.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea and that this idea is clearly stated in the topic sentence. This will help in maintaining a coherent flow of ideas.
task achievement
The introduction effectively outlines the problem and the writer's stance, setting up the essay well.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the writer's viewpoint, providing a clear end to the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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