IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In today’s world many people own a smartphone.Do you think the advantages of owning a smart phone outweight the disadvantages?

#today’s #world #people #smartphone #phone #outweight
Currently,lots of citizens have their own mobile phones, and they are closely linked to their daily lives. It leads to an argument between two opposing opinions about the benefits and drawbacks of
this
 gadget.
This
 essay totally agrees that a
smartphone
 is an indispensable part of us. It is acknowledged that having mobile phones
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 people
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 to contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
others more easily. The modernity of technology has helped
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 become more versatile and do extraordinary things. We can now interact with people thousands of miles away with just basic operations.
For instance
,you can play
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 with friends abroad simply. Another advantageous
benefits
Replace the adjective
benefit
show examples
 that can be considered is that lots of companies are found
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online to create a thousand jobs for citizens. It is easy and comfortable for
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
 to book suitable transport
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
anywhere
This
 is very convenient, especially for tourists during their trips. With some simple steps with the apps, they can hire a taxi driver to take them to any place.
Moreover
, travelers can use Google Maps installed on their
contact
Fix the agreement mistake
contacts
show examples
 to get to their destinations if those buildings are nearby
However
,
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 still have harmful effects that need to
deal
Wrong verb form
be dealt
show examples
 with. The worst result that society can face
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
is that they can be addicted to their own phone. Those believe that people could use those devices for most of the day without having a rest,
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
show examples
 some public cannot discipline themselves and waste time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online. In conclusion, the disadvantage of addictive citizens is outweighed by the advantages of the variety of provided services and long-distance talks.
Thus
, owning a
smartphone
 is efficient for everyone.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
To achieve a higher score in task response, ensure that your essay answers all aspects of the prompt clearly, and thoroughly. Develop each point with specific examples and explanations.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, structure your essay more logically with clear transitions, and use a range of linking words effectively. Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
supported main points
To support your main points better, include detailed examples and relevant facts or statistics that clearly relate to the topic at hand. This adds weight to your arguments and showcases an ability to illustrate abstract ideas concretely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: