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Band 4.5

Some people agree with spending lot of mpney on large wedding while others thinks it is a waste of money. What is your opinion?

#people #mpney #waste #money
In recent years, spending enormous of
money
 on a lavish wedding celebration is one dream for some people
while
 some people believe it is just unnecessary spending.
Although
 it could be argued that having a grand wedding
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can bring
a good memories
Correct the article-noun agreement
good memories
a good memory
show examples
 in the
future
, I still believe saving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
 for
future
 expenses is of paramount importance. In
this
 essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will examine all the relevant opinions based on factual premises. It could be argued that
wedding
Correct article usage
a wedding
show examples
 happens once
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a lifetime, and it marks
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 journey that
needed
Wrong verb form
needs
show examples
 to be commemoration properly;
therefore
, it would be worth
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
 enormous
money
 on it.
However
, large wedding expenditure can be invested
to
Change preposition
in to
show examples
couple
's
future
 lives. Numerous expenses in the
future
such
 as education, home and family
recreations
Fix the agreement mistake
recreation
show examples
 are more important.
Therefore
, being more economical by holding small and sacred
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should be
Correct article usage
a priorited
show examples
priorited
Correct your spelling
priority
. It could
also
 be argued that a magnificent wedding is a part of
familly
Correct your spelling
family
 culture and must be followed by all
familly
Correct your spelling
family
 members.
However
, having a small wedding can be more
meaningfull
Correct your spelling
meaningful
, focusing on
couple's
Correct article usage
a couple's
show examples
 commitment rather than a grand wedding.
Moreover
,
Add an article
the couple
a couple
show examples
couple
Fix the agreement mistake
couples
show examples
 can spend more intimate time on
wedding
Correct article usage
the wedding
show examples
 day among
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 and
closed
Change the form of the verb
close
show examples
 family members. In conclusion, enormous expenditure to
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a grand wedding is a dream for all
couple
Fix the agreement mistake
couples
show examples
,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 if people can think more
wise
Change the word
wisely
show examples
, spending enormous
money
 just for
one night
Add a hyphen
one-night
show examples
 celebration is a waste of
money
. In my view, saving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
 for
future
 expenses is of paramount importance than having
magnificent
Add an article
a magnificent
the magnificent
show examples
 wedding.
Submitted by gladysdharmawan1994 on

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that each idea is elaborated with sufficient detail and examples. Aim to develop your arguments with specifics rather than making broad statements.
coherence cohesion
To maintain a high level of coherence and cohesion, paragraphs should be well-structured with a clear progression of ideas. Use a range of cohesive devices and topic sentences to signal the beginning of paragraphs and to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • commemoration
  • significance
  • expectations
  • stimulates
  • extravagant
  • financial strain
  • investment
  • modest
  • commitment
  • environmental impact
  • carbon footprint
  • lavish
What to do next:
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