IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Despite health warning, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world. why should we be concerned about this? what solution would you suggest? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Health
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 is a big issue in the world,
however
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, an increasing number of smoking
people
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 still
occur
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occurs
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. In
this
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 essay, I will examine the factors that contribute towards the impact of smoking and propose some solutions to them. One of the first problems of
people
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 who
smoke
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 is the decreasing function of human lungs. Active
smokers
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 are vulnerable to lung issues in the long run, because of the effects of nicotine, tar, and carbon monoxide, which are trapped in respiratory organs. The second
problem
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 is the
smoke
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 that produced by active
smokers
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 is inhaled by passive
smokers
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, That
smoke
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also
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 contains toxic chemicals that active
smokers
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 do.
As a result
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, they are more at risk of facing
health
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 issues in the future if they are living in these circumstances in the long term. To illustrate,
people
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 who have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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lung
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 when they are old are mostly caused by bad habits,
such
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 as smoking for a long period. A possible solution to
this
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problem
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 should be to take both preventive and corrective actions. The main cause why
people
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smoke
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 is because the price of cigarettes is cheap and affordable.
Therefore
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, the government should make a comprehensive policy to protect citizens at risk of
health
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 problems caused by smoking. One of the policies could be to increase the tax on cigarettes and make the price higher,
hence
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people
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 will think wisely
to buy
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about buying
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it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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.
Additionally
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, another job for the government is to do a massive
liceracy
Correct your spelling
literacy
 to the public about the impact of smoking and provide
health
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 facilities for
people
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 to be free from addiction.
This
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 type of approach can be done by making a warning in
a cigarette boxes
Correct the article-noun agreement
a cigarette box
cigarette boxes
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, actively counselling
people
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, and providing
health
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centers
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centres
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 to relieve smoking addiction.
For instance
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, in Indonesia, the officials try to increase cigarette tax gradually every year,
thus
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 the number of cigarette sales is expected to decrease and
health
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 problems caused by smoking
also
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 going down. In conclusion, lung
health
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 issues faced by active
smokers
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 and passive
smokers
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 are the effects of the smoking habit.
This
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 essay suggested that the solutions to
this
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problem
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 are twofold: increasing the price of cigarettes and socialization.

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task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the task are addressed and try to develop your points more comprehensively. The response is somewhat repetitive and lacks depth in some areas.
coherence cohesion
It is important to organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a distinct main idea. Logical connectors should be used to ensure smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
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