IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
There are a number of
museums
 around the globe, some of which ask visitors to pay for
admission
. Under the circumstances, there has been contention over whether
people
 must be charged for
admission
 when they enter a museum. I strongly believe that
admission
 fees for
museums
 are crucial, as they significantly aid in maintaining the quality of work in
museums
 and
also
 amplify
people
’s serious attitude towards artworks.
To begin
, enforcing charges for
admission
 may steer
people
 around visiting
museums
. Take an art gallery
for example
,
although
 it encompasses a wide range of products, ranging from stunning portraits to scenery drawings,
people
 do not obtain any objects or gifts.
Hence
, more often than not,
people
 would not find it worthwhile paying invaluable money for their visit.
As a result
 of
this
, the majority of
people
 who are not keen on seeing arts could be deprived of their opportunities to ignite their interests in arts, leading them to disconnect from
museums
.
However
, no charge for
admission
 to
museums
 does not necessarily guarantee that
people
 start to generate their interest. In my experience, when I went to
museums
 with my peers, which were completely free, we were more inclined to have a look at all the materials less seriously and vice-versa.
Therefore
, the experience gained from visiting complementary
museums
 will not develop any positive emotions in artworks. Rather, we may begin to take those precious pictures lightly.
Furthermore
, most importantly, the money gathered for
museums
 will contribute to retaining the quality of services and products, which is of paramount importance to keep the
museums
 flourishing. In conclusion,
while
admission
 free may attract more
people
 to come to
museums
, from my perspective, we are less likely to appreciate the value of the work in
such
 a situation. If anything, considering keeping the products in good condition should be far more prioritised, and in order to do so, I argue that we must invest money in
museums
 by paying entrance fees.
Submitted by artical5er7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear position throughout the response, addressing the advantages and disadvantages of charging for museum admission. However, it could benefit from more detailed development of the main points, including more specific examples and explanations to support the assertions made.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've organized the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, you could enhance the logical flow by using a wider range of cohesive devices and linking phrases. Additionally, ensuring paragraph unity by focusing each on a single main idea could improve the coherence of your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: