IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In country where there is a high unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hop of finding a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The ultimate goal of
education
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 for students is to achieve a desired job. There is a great amount of unemployed
people
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 in some countries even after graduation.
Therefore
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, it seems useless for pupils to enter university in order to improve their knowledge and certificates. In my point of view, it is entirely true that
people
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 should not follow
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 level of literacy in
such
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 cases. On the one hand, there are
people
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 who claim that studying after school
time
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 even with the pitfalls in society regarding career finding is helpful. Those
people
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 justify that it mounts the information of graduates when they get hired in any job either as an expert or simple worker.
For instance
Linking Words
 , if workers have more academic knowledge their performance will be better.
In addition
Linking Words
 , they believe that higher
education
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 boosts the country's culture and
people
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 will behave and counteract appropriately confronting foreigners or tourists.
Overall
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, they consider
education
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 as a privilege.
On the other hand
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, many believe that spending
time
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 on a thing which has no or little use in the future can be quite a waste of
time
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. A case in point, when there is a few professional opportunities in the country most graduates will be jobless after all.
Therefore
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 , the money and
time
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 spent on training will be effectless.
Moreover
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, discontinuing training will open the space and bring about the conditions in which one can learn a profession in order to get into the market and start a family sooner.
However
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, studying
in
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at
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 the university will provide some opportunities overseas. In a nutshell, one has to prioritize their needs and decide whether to be involved in
education
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 or not. Given the circumstances, I believe that human beings are granted a special amount of
time
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 in their lives and they should not allocate it for aimless activities like a higher level of
education
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 when there is no job perspective and rather use it for available practical purposes in hand.

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structure
Enhance the organization of your essay by crafting a clear and coherent structure where each paragraph smoothly transitions from one idea to the next. Use topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to outline the main idea.
task response
To address the task more effectively, ensure your essay consistently relates to the prompt throughout. Clearly state your position and make sure all paragraphs support this stance, avoiding contradictory statements unless they are part of a deliberate counter-argument.
examples
Develop your arguments by providing more concrete and specific examples. General statements should be supported by relevant details or data to solidify your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
conclusion
Avoid vague statements and ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the essay's main arguments, reiterating your stance regarding the prompt. This will strengthen the essay's overall impact and clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • controversial
  • critical thinking skills
  • technical expertise
  • entrepreneurship
  • self-employment
  • economic diversification
  • innovation
  • vocational training
  • academic education
  • employment landscape
  • blanket approach
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