IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that online reading materials are better for children. Others argues that traditional paper based resources are better. Discuss and give your opinion.

#people #materials #children #paper #resources
There is no denying the fact that reading is a crucial thing to improve the child's mind.
However
, there is
also
 an argument about what kind of materials are the best for kids, traditional
paper
 or electronic
paper
.
This
 essay will analyze
this
 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, there are several reasons why physical
paper
 is better than reading on a tablet or on your smartphone. One of the reasons is that when you read on a traditional
paper
 you are more likely to not be distracted by other things.
For instance
, when you are using a tablet to read, you are probably distracted from reading and decide to open other applications or games.
As a result
, there is no benefit to what you read.
On the other hand
, some people believe that online reading is better for children and their arguments are about letting them get used to technology, in order to know how to use
this
 stuff.
However
, I agree with them on some points.
For example
, electronic
paper
 allows you to have a whole library in your hand and it is much easier than traditional ones when it comes to transporting. But in general, it is not healthy for your kid's mental health to give them online stuff, especially in the early years. In conclusion. There are no easy answers to
this
 question. On balance,
nevertheless
, I tend to believe that physical
paper
 is way more valuable and helps to increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children's creativity and develop their mental health. I believe
that is
 a thing that online reading cannot provide.
Submitted by sdam7843 on

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task achievement
To improve task response, try to provide more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This helps illustrate and strengthen your points.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear but could be more comprehensive. Consider expanding on your points to provide a fuller discussion of each argument.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, make sure that each paragraph flows logically. Add transitional phrases where needed to connect ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from having more elaboration on the reasons why you support the traditional paper over online materials. This could strengthen your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states the topic and sets up the discussion effectively.
logical structure
You have provided a fairly balanced discussion by presenting both sides of the argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion is strong and effectively summarizes your opinion, reinforcing your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenient
  • accessible
  • interactive
  • engaging
  • multimedia
  • portable
  • suitable
  • physical
  • tangible
  • visual
  • distracted
  • limited
  • versatile
  • screen time
  • critical thinking
  • comprehension
  • retention
  • digital literacy
  • environmentally-friendly
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