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Band 4

Museums and art gallaries should concentrate on works that show histroy and culture of their own country rather than works of the other parts in the world. To what extent to do you agree or disagree?

#museums #art #gallaries #works #show #histroy #culture #country #parts #world
Many people believe that museums and art galleries ought to be more pay attention
on
Change preposition
to
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historcal
Correct your spelling
historical
 objects of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 own country rather than showing other
country's
Fix the agreement mistake
countries'
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 goods in
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. From my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
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i
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I
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 strongly agree with
this
 statement. I will support
this
 view with arguments in the following paragraphs.
Fisrt
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First
 and foremost, there is no denying that museums and art halls are
guardian
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guardians
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 of a nation's heritage. Through showcasing historical and cultural
object
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objects
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such
 as artefacts can
mantain
Correct your spelling
maintain
 a sense of identity and pride among urban citizens.
Moreover
, promoting local history and culture
also
 can boost tourism and make the visitors
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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interested
to
Change the preposition
in
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 some backgrounds of the land as visitors often seek authentic experiences and a deeper understanding of the place people are visiting at the moment.
Furthermore
, focusing on local art and old
story
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stories
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 of specific
place
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places
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 may contribute to the educational purposes of younger generations like students about their roots and traditions which is imperative for cultural preservation.
Likewise
,
this
 can be an education subject in school so pupils can get to know more about the genuine story. Again, by
this
 kind of act, the movements of the younger populations can save the origin of the state and prevent the disappearance of
such
 an originality of a nation. To draw the conclusion, placing the genuineness of a land through old objects in different
type
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types
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 of buildings can help
state
Correct article usage
the state
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 to increase the authentic value itself by supporting local parentage to show up in specific
spot
Fix the agreement mistake
spots
show examples
.
Submitted by syifensaft on

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coherence cohesion
The essay provides a basic structure but lacks complex sentence formations and varied vocabulary usage, impacting its logical structure and the quality of introduction and conclusion. A higher band could be achieved by constructing more sophisticated sentences and including a more diverse range of vocabulary.
task achievement
While the essay addresses the task, the completeness of the response could be improved by offering detailed arguments and a broader variety of examples to support the main points. Furthermore, linking of ideas within and between paragraphs needs to be clearer to enhance the flow of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • guardians of heritage
  • foster
  • sense of identity
  • cultural preservation
  • authentic experiences
  • cross-cultural understanding
  • global perspective
  • artistic styles
  • historical contexts
  • innovation
  • globalized world
  • cultural exchange
  • eclectic collections
  • diverse audiences
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