People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that
people
’s quality
of life in the contemporary era has significantly improved compared to the past centuries. From my perspective, I agree with this
mentioned point, due to
the explanation of the quality
of education
and medical services
.
To begin
with, in the current world, education
plays an important role in strengthening people
's lives. Firstly
, many governments in the world tend to highly focus on improving the education
field and consider it as the most important aspect of the country. Therefore
, it is compulsory for students in a plethora of nations to complete general educational levels, usually from primary school to high school. The explanation for this
point is that education
can enhance people
's fundamental knowledge and necessary skills from school for getting ready to enter adulthood in the future and being able to live on their own feet. This
can be seen also
as a direction of many governments to make the country richer because the well-educated class can contribute to the huge budget state. For example
, before the previous period of the 21st century, around the Vietnam War, Vietnamese people
suffered from poor conditions such
as lack of food, water and no education
. However
, once the war had ended, Vietnam sharply developed to be the most prosperous nation in the Southeast area in the early 21st century, depending on citizens' access to education
contributed to making the country richer and more powerful by picking up more knowledge on the high technology of agriculture to export rice.
Furthermore
, the development of medical services
is the focal point to aid people
to live longer. It is true that health can be seen as the scale of people
’s quality
of life. Nowadays, many developed countries such
as the US have created favourable conditions for families having infants to access medical services
for free. Thus
, their health can be ensured in strong physics from childhood to being a young adult. Moreover
, it is undeniable that the improvement in medical services
has led to the downward tendency of the facility rate due to
many infectious viral infections of the past, such
as measles and polio. Because children tend to get vaccinations from an early age to prevent these diseases.
In conclusion, the 21st century has recognized many developments in human society, such
as the higher quality
of education
and medical services
which strengthen people
's quality
of life.Submitted by phuonglinhlp.0900 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay displays some logical structure; however, transitions between points need to be smoother to enhance the readability. Try to use a variety of linking words effectively.
coherence cohesion
Both an introduction and a conclusion are present in the essay, yet they could be developed further. The introduction can be enriched with a clearer thesis statement, and the conclusion should more decisively reflect on the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
While main points are supported with information, using a wider range of examples and evidence would better demonstrate the validity of the arguments.
task achievement
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task achievement
The essay provides clear ideas, but at times they lack depth. Aim for a more comprehensive explanation of each point, which will demonstrate a stronger command of the topic.
task achievement
Specific examples given are appropriate, but they could be expanded upon. Include more detailed illustrations to substantiate your arguments and clarify your points.
Word Count
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A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
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