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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting a culture. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

#people #culture #tourism #revenue
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There are multifaceted circumstances when discussing the balance of tourism and culture. Several, especially the people who have an economic background, agree that there must be a supportive relationship between the two targets.
On the other hand
, somebody else keeps their stereotype that the new commer could enter and demolish the natural culture from their location. With the respection from both aspects,
this
 essay will give a detailed explanation, based on the writer's reality experience with the visual metrics. Economically, Tourism could create a huge revenue based on the
nation
's services or products that attract visitors during their journey.
This
 is a two-way impact and can support each other to be more magnificent. To illustrate, Thailand is the top
nation
 for traveling and their techniques to promote tours are the way the other countries need to learn.
As a result
, by using their strength as tourist efficiency, the other services industry has a big transformation after 2000, bringing
this
 country to become the top fastest country in the ASEAN Group. Culturally, when travel was created only to satisfy foreigners, it could be hard for a
nation
 to keep its original identity. Several visitors with various tastes and demands could ask the organizers or shop owners to adjust the products or services based on their
favors
Change the spelling
favours
show examples
. To illustrate, some dishes from the Northen of Vietnam require using shrimp paste as an indispensable sauce.
However
, its specific aroma could be a nightmare with people from other countries, especially from the West. By ignoring using
this
 for the satisfaction of customers, Vietnamese shrimp paste could be a forgettable dive in history. In light of these facts, one can conclude that tourism is neither a pros nor cons to cultural preservation. The ministry of each country has the responsibility to develop the travel, in parallel with inspiration and promotion for the beauty in their
nation
's culture.
Submitted by hoagloc on

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task achievement
To enhance your task achievement, ensure to fully address all parts of the prompt. While you have discussed both views, integrating a clearer, more distinct personal opinion could strengthen your argument. Make sure to clearly state your stance in both the introduction and conclusion for maximum impact.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows good organization, but to improve coherence and cohesion, consider utilizing a wider range of cohesive devices beyond just 'to illustrate' to link ideas more smoothly. Also, work on ensuring a clear progression of ideas throughout paragraphs by starting each with a topic sentence that outlines the main idea you will discuss.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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