IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In today's digital era many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

#era #people #smartphone
In
this
 digital era,
people
 seem to cannot live without
smartphones
. Using
smartphones
also
 has a positive impact
such
 as being useful in studying and working or communicating easily, but the impact is the internet addicting.
This
 essay discusses about the benefits outweigh the drawbacks of
smartphones
. It is a fact that
smartphones
 are one of the best inventions of
humans
. These days, it is very easy to come across
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
using their
phones
 everywhere and every time.
People
 can use their own
phones
 to search for information on the Internet. It is very useful for
people
 who are studying or working.
Due to
 the widespread,
people
 are able to approach new information quickly and exactly.
Smartphones
 not only help
people
 approach information quickly, it
also
 connect
people
 with
people
.
In other words
, social network is the best solution to communicate with friends or family who are living far away. We do not need to have a long trip to visit someone, a small phone will help
people
 see and talk together via the screen. On the other side, too many
people
 using
smartphones
 can have a big impact on society. There are some children who have their own
phones
 when they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 very young.
That is
 why the rates of addicts are becoming higher and higher.
However
, if
humans
 can adapt to the time when they use technology, it will not affect much on
humans
. All in all,
smartphones
 bring a lot of advantages to
humans
, but they
also
 have disadvantages.
On the other hand
,
people
 just need to arrange their time on their
phones
, it will help
humans
 very much.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Although the essay addresses the topic, more detail and development of ideas are necessary to fully respond to the question. Try to expand on how the advantages outweigh the disadvantages with clearer arguments and more focused examples.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure exists but can be improved. Use clear and concise topic sentences to introduce your main points. Make sure that your ideas flow logically from one to the next to ensure better coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Introduce the essay with a more developed introduction that presents the topic and your thesis statement clearly. Conclude your essay by summarizing the main points and restating your position. This will help frame your essay and give it a more complete feel.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples and evidence. General statements are less effective than those supported by specific instances or data. Including relevant examples will make your argument more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: