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Band 4.5

In today's world many people own a smartphone. do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages

#world #people #smartphone
In today's digital age,
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
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most of the residents have their private
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
.
This
 author believes that the benefits of entertainment and serving for
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 outweigh the
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 of being addicted to the
smartphone
. The most advantageous factor of owning
a technological devices
Correct the article-noun agreement
a technological device
technological devices
show examples
 is that it is very convenient for working. As the workers can access immediately to the
lastest
Correct your spelling
latest
show examples
 information from their customers or their managers.
Espcially
Correct your spelling
Especially
, the designers who work in advertising find it
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
easier when they have
private
Correct article usage
a private
show examples
 phone
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
 they can fix and deal with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problems as soon as possible when the customers require them. So, having a
smartphone
 is helpful and convenient for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
Otherwise
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technological devices
also
 bring other benefits
such
 as
proving
Verb problem
providing
show examples
 entertainment for
people
. When the improvement of developing technology explodes,
people
 can access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social websites and
dowload
Correct your spelling
download
 freely the songs into their
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
.
As a result
, technology plays an essential role in human relaxation and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them to escape from stress.
Therefore
,
people
 always use phones for their entertainment purposes.
However
, having a
smartphone
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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overly
dependant
Replace the word
dependent
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 on it and half of them are an internet addict
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
lead
Change the verb form
leads
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 to the modern
centry
Correct your spelling
century
people
 can not live without phones. But
this
 problem can be solved if
people
 do more exercises
instead
 of spending time
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
virtual
Add an article
the virtual
show examples
 world and use technology in necessary problems.
Hence
,
although
 having
a technological devices
Correct the article-noun agreement
a technological device
technological devices
show examples
 has its own benefits
such
 as providing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work and for relaxation, the
backdraw
Correct your spelling
drawback
 is that it can make
people
 depend on it.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction that outlines your argument, followed by coherent paragraphs, each focusing on a separate point that supports your stance. Make certain that you also have a distinct conclusion summarizing your argument.
task achievement
Develop your ideas thoroughly with explanations or examples. This will provide a more compelling argument and show a deeper understanding of the topic. Even if the example is hypothetical, it should be believable and directly related to the point you are making.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant access
  • real-time updates
  • portable offices
  • emergency services
  • social media
  • navigation
  • cybersecurity
  • screen time
  • digital detox
  • environmental footprint
What to do next:
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