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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many parents complain that computer games have no value to their children's studies. And, those online games have produced a lot of negative effects on their mental and physical development. What is your opinion on this?

#parents #computer #games #value #children #studies #effects #development
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In
this
 modern world, with the rapid rise in technology,
children
 spend little time in outdoor activities and often prefer computer
games
.
Hence
, their parents worry that these gaming gadgets have little value to their ward's education and restrict their
overall
 growth.
However
, even with these perceived negative effects, I believe
video
games
 offer some form of benefit to them and I have the following reasons to support my stance.
Firstly
, from the parent's perspective,
video
games
 reduce their
children
's social interaction with their family and friends.
Due to
this
,
children
 can potentially develop mental trauma and face rejection from society when they grow. But
on the other hand
, though modern
children
 don't interact with their friends physically, they form a closer bond with their peers virtually,
while
 interacting in these online
games
.
Secondly
, some say these
games
 are just a time-wasting activity and it doesn't create any tangible benefits in their life. They believe that their
children
 might fail in their studies or workplaces if they focus too much on
games
. Alternatively, many
games
 nowadays focus a lot on strategic thinking to resolve a mission.
For instance
, many
children
 who played famous
video
games
 like Fallout, have reported that their critical thinking has increased multifold. These problem-solving skills will definitely come in handy later when they join the workforce. So
to conclude
, just like any other technology,
video
games
also
 have certain drawbacks. If parents can show their wards a balanced approach to computer
games
 & studies, they can address some of its cons and as well help them to develop logical reasoning skillsets.
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Task Achievement
Ensure a balanced view on the topic is maintained throughout, reflecting on both sides of the argument before providing a reasoned conclusion.
Task Achievement
To amplify your score, deepen the analysis of how games contribute to skills applicable in real life, adding more varied examples and evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on connecting paragraphs seamlessly, using a wider range of linking words to enhance the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've effectively introduced and concluded your essay, establishing a clear thesis and rounding off with a strong conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your main points are supported and organized, making the essay easy to follow.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples to illustrate your points, effectively using video games like Fallout to demonstrate the development of critical thinking skills.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic growth
  • stunting
  • educational content
  • strategic thinking
  • problem-solving
  • addiction
  • social isolation
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • foster engagement
  • motivation
  • sense of achievement
  • teamwork
  • communication skills
  • intercultural understanding
  • monitor
  • screen time
  • balanced approach
  • potential benefits
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