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Band 4.5

In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owing a smartphone the disadvantages?

#world #people #smartphone
Nowadays, most
people
 own a
smartphone
. There are a lot of disadvantages of owning
smartphone
Add an article
a smartphone
show examples
, one
clearly
Change the word
clear
show examples
example
 we can see that many
people
addictic
Correct your spelling
addicted
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
.
However
, owning has
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 advantages that can eclipse the disadvantage like facilitating instantaneous communication and accessing
recowrees
Correct your spelling
records
 of
information
 on the
internet
. The greatest of
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 as I think that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can facilitate instantaneous communication. Because
people
 often need to connect with others
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in the modern world
people
 must use the
internet
 very usually like nowadays.
For
example
, when we have some problems
while
 we control
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
transportation we can make a call for help from our families or friends
easilly
Correct your spelling
easily
. Another
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advantage of owning
smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
show examples
 I want to mention that mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 can help
people
 to access
recowrees
Correct your spelling
records
 of
information
 on the
internet
. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 too much
information
 we must receive and it still
continue
Change the verb form
continues
show examples
increasing
Change the verb form
to increase
show examples
 day by day. Getting all
those
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
information
 is impossible. But the
smartphone
 can help us
vey
Correct your spelling
very
 much
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 finding various
detail
Fix the agreement mistake
details
show examples
 very fast and through that it
also
 can help us complete our work more
effective
Change the word
effectively
show examples
.
Like when
Change preposition
When
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 do homework
sometime
Fix the agreement mistake
sometimes
show examples
 they do not understand something and with
Add an article
a smartphone
show examples
smartphone
Add a comma
smartphone,
show examples
 they can watch
lecture
Fix the agreement mistake
lectures
show examples
 on
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 again to
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
understand
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
However
, owning
smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
show examples
also
 has some
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 one portrait
example
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 many
people
 become
addictic
Correct your spelling
addicted
 to it. Because
using
Change preposition
of using
show examples
smartphone
Add an article
a smartphone
show examples
 so usually
people
 will depend on it and can not detach from it. One
example
 that we can easy to see
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 many young
people
 play
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 on
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 for hours
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 and the result
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 they become addictic to
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
, they play
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 most of
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 time and do not focus on their study even their
haelth
Correct your spelling
health
. In conclusion, we must agree that owing
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 has some disadvantages like addicting
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 the advantages it
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 to us
such
 as facilitating instantaneous communication and accessing
recowrees
Correct your spelling
records
 of
information
 on the
internet
 can outweigh the disadvantage of it.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure by organizing it into a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your essay displays some organization but could be improved by creating more distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences that lead the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of your essay should clearly state the topic and summarize your main points. While your essay contains an introduction and a conclusion, both could be clearer and more concise in presenting your thesis and summarizing your argument.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with precise examples. While you make general statements about the advantages and disadvantages of smartphone use, integrating specific, real-world examples would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Make sure you fully address the task given. Respond to all parts of the question to ensure a complete response. Your argument tends to focus more on the advantages of smartphones with less development on the disadvantages, potentially leading to an imbalance.
task achievement
Your ideas should be clearly expressed and easy to understand. Aim for clarity in your sentences and use appropriate linking words to help ideas flow. Some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing can make the essay difficult to follow at times.
task achievement
Include specific examples to support your points. This makes your response more convincing. You included an example related to young people gaming, but more detailed and varied examples would improve your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant access
  • real-time updates
  • portable offices
  • emergency services
  • social media
  • navigation
  • cybersecurity
  • screen time
  • digital detox
  • environmental footprint
What to do next:
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