In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owing a smartphone the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, most
people
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own a
smartphone
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. There are a lot of disadvantages of owning
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smartphone
Add an article
a smartphone
show examples
, one
clearly
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clear
show examples
example
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we can see that many
people
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addictic
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addicted
to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
.
However
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, owning has
much
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many
show examples
advantages that can eclipse the disadvantage like facilitating instantaneous communication and accessing
recowrees
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records
of
information
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on the
internet
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. The greatest of
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smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
as I think that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
can facilitate instantaneous communication. Because
people
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often need to connect with others
especially
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, especially
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in the modern world
people
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must use the
internet
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very usually like nowadays.
For
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example
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, when we have some problems
while
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we control
the
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apply
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transportation we can make a call for help from our families or friends
easilly
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easily
. Another
the
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apply
show examples
advantage of owning
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smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
show examples
I want to mention that mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
can help
people
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to access
recowrees
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records
of
information
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on the
internet
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. There
are
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is
show examples
too much
information
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we must receive and it still
continue
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continues
show examples
increasing
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to increase
show examples
day by day. Getting all
those
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that
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information
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is impossible. But the
smartphone
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can help us
vey
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very
much
through
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by
show examples
finding various
detail
Fix the agreement mistake
details
show examples
very fast and through that it
also
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can help us complete our work more
effective
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effectively
show examples
.
Like when
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When
show examples
student
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students
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do homework
sometime
Fix the agreement mistake
sometimes
show examples
they do not understand something and with
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Add an article
a smartphone
show examples
smartphone
Add a comma
smartphone,
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they can watch
lecture
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lectures
show examples
on
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
again to
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
understand
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, owning
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smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
show examples
also
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has some
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
one portrait
example
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that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
many
people
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become
addictic
Correct your spelling
addicted
to it. Because
using
Change preposition
of using
show examples
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smartphone
Add an article
a smartphone
show examples
so usually
people
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will depend on it and can not detach from it. One
example
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that we can easy to see
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
many young
people
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play
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
on
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smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
for hours
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
and the result
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
they become addictic to
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
, they play
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
most of
their
Change the word
the
show examples
time and do not focus on their study even their
haelth
Correct your spelling
health
. In conclusion, we must agree that owing
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smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
has some disadvantages like addicting
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smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
the advantages it
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
to us
such
Linking Words
as facilitating instantaneous communication and accessing
recowrees
Correct your spelling
records
of
information
Use synonyms
on the
internet
Use synonyms
can outweigh the disadvantage of it.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure by organizing it into a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your essay displays some organization but could be improved by creating more distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences that lead the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of your essay should clearly state the topic and summarize your main points. While your essay contains an introduction and a conclusion, both could be clearer and more concise in presenting your thesis and summarizing your argument.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with precise examples. While you make general statements about the advantages and disadvantages of smartphone use, integrating specific, real-world examples would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Make sure you fully address the task given. Respond to all parts of the question to ensure a complete response. Your argument tends to focus more on the advantages of smartphones with less development on the disadvantages, potentially leading to an imbalance.
task achievement
Your ideas should be clearly expressed and easy to understand. Aim for clarity in your sentences and use appropriate linking words to help ideas flow. Some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing can make the essay difficult to follow at times.
task achievement
Include specific examples to support your points. This makes your response more convincing. You included an example related to young people gaming, but more detailed and varied examples would improve your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant access
  • real-time updates
  • portable offices
  • emergency services
  • social media
  • navigation
  • cybersecurity
  • screen time
  • digital detox
  • environmental footprint
What to do next:
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