Parents, usualy mothers, give up work, choose to stay at home and look after family. Some people think that the government should give them salary. Do you agree or disagree. Give reasons from your own knowledge and experience.

#parents #mothers #work #home #people #government #salary

In the era of globalisation, the rate of male employees skyrocketed,

while

the number of females plunged. There is a wide range of reasons for

this

phenomenon.

Nevertheless

, mothers opted for the family among the work and money.

Therefore

, a diverse range of individuals believe that the

government

should pay for their sacrifice. I totally agree with

this

argument. In

this

essay, I will elaborate on my view. To commence with, the commitments increased recently. The parents are struggling,

as a result

of the inflation,

thus

one salary is not enough to build a house or raise a child.

For instance

, Egypt is one of the highest countries illustrating inflation. All family members are working to improve their level.

In addition

, most of the

women

nowadays are educated. They

also

have obtained their certification.

However

, they are convinced that their home and children are more essential than anything else.

On the other hand

, they are raising their kids. They want to raise their kids and make them well-developed.

Moreover

, the

government

should respect them. They educated hard.

Nonetheless

, they believe that family comes first. Moving

further

, the

government

should subsidise their financial products. It can offer them home-working jobs. The

government

also

can raise taxes for affluent individuals. One of the sparked examples is Dubai. the

women

there were not working, so the Prince of Dubai implemented a rule to increase the taxation on wealthy persons and cut a part of it for these

women

. In conclusion, the

government

must be aware of married

women

. They sacrificed for the family and society. They know that if the good earned a good pedagogical they will enhance the community in the future.

Submitted by mohannadsme on Fri Aug 02 2024

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coherence cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. Use appropriate linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument.

task achievement

Enhance task achievement by providing more relevant and specific examples, and ensure all points support your main argument. Expand on points with more comprehensive explanations.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps provide a structured format for the reader.

task achievement

The task response is relatively complete, touching upon the main aspects of the argument regarding government support for stay-at-home mothers.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

280 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Parents, usualy mothers, give up work, choose to stay at home and look after family. Some people think that the government should give them salary. Do you agree or disagree. Give reasons from your own knowledge and experience.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

An increasing number of professional, such as doctors an teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in develop countries. What problems does this cause? what can be done to deal with this situation?

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Atlantic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places.

The rise off social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages?

Many students like to get involved in extra- curricular activities at university such as social clubs and sports. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?v