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Band 5.5

It is better to buy just a few expensive clothes, rather than lots of cheaper clothes. Do you agree or disagree?

#clothes #lots
There is an argument that preferencing
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
expensive
clothes
 is the best choice
instead
 of buying more low-quality
clothes
. I really agree with
this
 statement because spending more budget for expensive
clothes
 encourages
people
 to buy for investment and decreases
time
-consuming in online shopping. Luxurious products offer high-quality materials for long-lasting use and valuable investment. These products had taken
complex
Correct article usage
a complex
show examples
 process, starting from the use of high-quality garments and the step for quality check in the final stage. Because of
this
, the
clothes
, worn by the customer, gain the trust
from
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of
show examples
 their consumer and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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may be wearable for long-
time
 use. Nike
clothes
,
for example
, made from good-quality cotton and fabric create satisfaction for the individual, wearing
this
 brand.
In addition
, purchasing expensive
clothes
also
 benefits
people
 by saving their budget.
On the other hand
, experiencing
with
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apply
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low-cost
clothes
 could encourage
people
 to waste their
time
due to
 always visiting online shopping regularly. In general, cheaper
clothes
 would not be wearable for
long
Add an article
the long
a long
show examples
time
 period, the users will substitute the new
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 by checking
the
Correct article usage
apply
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online shopping regularly,
such
 as Amazon and Shopee.
As a result
, they not only spend more
time
to
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apply
show examples
scrolling the new
clothes
, but
also
 lead to unproductive activities.
Therefore
, spending more budget for branded products can be the solution for the customer to reduce unproductive
time
, consumed in online shopping. In conclusion, luxurious
clothes
 are the best option to wear the
clothes
 for
using
Verb problem
apply
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in long
time
 period, and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
also
keep
Verb problem
allow
show examples
people
 to save
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
time
 for shopping.
Submitted by 2024successielts on

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coherence cohesion
Please make sure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The main ideas should be evident and expanded upon in each paragraph. Your essay shows a good attempt at logical structure, but some points may benefit from further elaboration to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Your task response is generally good as you have addressed the prompt with relevant points. However, more specific examples and a clearer progression of ideas would strengthen your argument and increase the score. Aim to have a very clear position throughout the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • long-lasting
  • cost-per-wear
  • economical
  • investing
  • ethical manufacturing
  • transparent
  • exclusivity
  • designs
  • mass-produced
  • accessibility
  • budget
  • fast fashion
  • trends
  • maintenance
  • dry cleaning
  • social status
  • psychological implications
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