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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In recent times, technology has become increasingly important in education. Some people believe that relying too much on technology can negatively affect traditional teaching methods and human interaction. However, others argue that it enhances the learning experience. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays schools are more and more dependent on innovative teaching devices. Their use is strongly debated: on the one hand, some affirm they affect personal relations and ruin well-established methods.
On the other hand
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, others believe we have to modify our traditional media to incorporate the newest possibilities.
This
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 essay will explore both perspectives and ultimately will conclude that in my opinion, it is fundamental to embrace the future by learning how to take advantage of every new technology.
Firstly
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, children have been educated for thousands of years, well before the Internet came into classrooms.
Moreover
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, the traditional lessons have been proven to work well and to prepare pupils for their adultness. So, for some people, it could be detrimental to modify classical education by adding screen time since it is recognised to be harmful.
For instance
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, students spending too much time in front of a computer might suffer from headaches and eye pain.
Secondly
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, technology has strongly evolved during the
last
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 years and several intelligent devices have been introduced in our society, comprised in schools.
As a consequence
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, many new teaching methods could be implemented.
For instance
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, students can handle their homework on a dedicated website that will correct them without a physical person.
In addition
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, it can be possible to learn from home or from people far away from the classroom,
this
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 latest example is extremely useful for mastering a foreign language. In summary, technology is more and more important in our world and its consequences are visible
also
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 in the teaching activities. In my opinion, we have to learn how to use it in our favour and try our best to develop new skills to incorporate the new devices into our daily routine, our working protocol, and even our teaching methods.

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coherence cohesion
Although you have presented a logical structure to your essay, the transitions between paragraphs could be more seamless to aid in the flow of ideas. Using more cohesive devices could strengthen the connections between main points and supporting details.
coherence cohesion
You have provided an introduction and conclusion which frame your essay, but they should be further developed to make your position clearer. Your conclusion could restate your opinion more emphatically to leave a stronger impression on the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported, but you could improve by diversifying your examples and providing more detailed evidence. This will add depth to your analysis and better illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
You have addressed the task and sufficiently covered both sides of the argument, which is good. However, make sure to address all parts of the question directly and provide a more balanced discussion before presenting your own opinion.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates that you can convey ideas and concepts, however, for a higher band score, strive for clarity and precision in language use to convey comprehensive ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Using more relevant and specific examples can improve the overall strength of your argument. Attempt to include real-world cases or studies that back your ideas, to show a deeper understanding of the topic.
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